"I think W has changed. I believe that from the sensitive person she was, she became that adult brat, uncaring about others, don't giving a $* about how I was going through it all."
Yes especially from the way you treated her before. She really does owe you.
"My loving responses have been rejected numerous times : my changes, my proposition to sit and talk, my admitting my errors and apology, my willingness to see a marital C or a pastor, etc.."
You hadn't even given the changes a chance to work due to your arrogance and ego. The same reasons why she left you in the first place. Oh well.
"I have decided to not inflict this on myself anymore, I am violating my own principles by allowing this psychological cruelty. I lose appetite, sleep and at work I do crap all day. And on week-ends, I stare at the clock."
Good for you to go back to thinking only of yourself.
"I will do what it takes to obtain 50% time with S, or more."
Good luck with that.
"He'll help me find some balance in my screw up life."
This is one part I have to say something about if you're still around. YOUR SON will not and it is NOT HIS JOB TO GIVE YOU BALANCE! If you can't see that, then you are truly not fit to be a father. Heaven help him.
" He'll ease the loneliness which is killing me. Being lonely is getting me crazy."
Because you always need someone to build you up and make you feel good because of your vanity and ego.
"I know I won't get anything from W, it's been the F* all attitude all along. Therefore, I can't be disappointed."
Yes you've proven yourself to be quite a prize. I'm sure you will be "shocked' when you are denied custody because you can't change a diaper.
"As I am trying to save what's left of me, (my sanity primarily), it will give her the time to think, and possibly feel the loss, and the space to come back. But I'd only want it if she wants it, and comes get it."
Yes, you have proven yourself to be a prize AGAIN! I'm sure any woman would love to throw themselves at you and that your son can have a father that he can truly look up to and can teach him everything about women. I'm glad you will be there to teach him that his mother is rubbish.
Mr. Bond, I wish I would have read your words years ago. I love your honest approach. You can help so many people if only they listen to you.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
