"To make my story short, the past 2 1/2 years have been very challenging. My H said he could not commit to our M. He had an EA in Nov 2010 with turned into a PA in Jan 2011, when he moved out of the house. The PA lasted through April-beg of May of 2011. My H moved back into the house in July. I could not practice DB--I was too hurt. So I demanded committment, which he could not give. He had continued texting/emailing the OW. I found out about this in September of 2011. More hard times. My H said he was done with the OW but still had the "itch" to date other women, so he moved out again in Jan 2012.
We made some progress in our R (or what I thought was progress) in June-August 2012 when I started DBing. Then, to my surprise, in September of 2012 he filed for D. He said he needed to do this to make his decision real and so he would be free to be with other women."
My last post on the previous thread:
"FY, SS, and TGirl, thank you for coming through, as always. Writing helped me last night. I didn't have the best ZZ but it would've been worse if I hadn't expressed what I was feeling.
Yes, he's cake eating. Yes, he's hugging me for good and bad reasons. Yes, the lewd touching must stop. I didn't write what else he tried to do, but he was definitely testing my limits. Next time he wants to come over, I will tell him that we need to keep things at "Level 3" for the sake of our new R. This is why I think he was behaving like what I call "Bizarro H":
1. He was sleep deprived (he mentioned how he's had trouble sleeping, which was true throughout our M.) In the past, I pointed out that playing sports till midnight and being online till past midnight wasn't helping, but obviously this continues. This was one of the problems in our M. He was always tired and cranky, and would act out like a kid. He would reply he went to bed so late bc I was asleep and if I had been awake next to him, he would've gone to bed earlier--logical? No. But that's my H. He tends to blame external factors for his shortcomings.
2. He was stressed. His way to release stress is through sex or by spewing things that are inappropriate/hurtful, by telling inappropriate jokes and playing with people's minds.
3. He is afraid. He wants the D to be final TOMORROW bc he knows that if we continue waiting he will still feel married, might question his decision more, or won't be able to start a R with all those hot women who're out there waiting for him. This is painful for him, so he wants it over NOW. He feels poorly about himself for doing this, so he wants it over NOW. Of course that he wants the D to happen magically, without putting any work into it.
My H is still: -Flirting non-stop with other women -Behaving like a teen -Not taking responsibility for what happened in our M -Not respecting boundaries/any societal norms -Playing sports like there's no tomorrow--escape from himself -Not sleeping well--being cranky -Believing love is to have fun non-stop -Believing he'll be young forever
I don't want this man to be the father of my children. I don't want to give all my love and dedication to someone who only seems to care about himself.
Next steps: 1. Reinforce my boundaries. 2. Continue friendship plan and observe any changes. 3. Continue loving him but keeping my options open--meet new people and going to social events. 4. Collaborate to finish the D--I will call him to finish the division of assets this weekend."
