My wife wants to separate

[GH31]

Do the veterans agree with this? Is it better to buy time and keep your wife in the house in the hopes that she changes her mind

Yes.

or the relationship goes sour?

It's already sour brother, she is banging an OM.

Or pressure her to respect you and move out?

Yes. Eventually. But not before a period of time has elapsed where she has seen the changes you're making for you. The last memories she has of you need to be excellent ones.

If you ask her to move then you do it to respect yourself, not because you're trying to "get" her to do something or "see" something.

Seems if she moves out there is less chance if seeing changes the H is making.

Exactly.

Which is why you need to give it period of time before you throw her out. A period of time when you meet as many needs as she will allow you to meet. This is not time for you to be a doormat, you are simply pleasant, fun, and responsible.

There will come a time when your wife and her behaviour start to utterly disgust, outrage and sicken you. This point is when you lovingly throw her out and inform her you will be having no more contact until/unless the affair completely ends. You do this because you are no longer able to keep a lid on your own emotions (anger) when you are around your W.

I will tell you this though.

The chances of this affair just spontaneously ending are extremely remote. Most do end, but usually after the H has enough of his W's sick behaviour and has no more contact with her, forcing OM to meet all of the adulterous wife's needs and the W finds out pretty quickly how inadequate he is in this regard. That's when they usually start making overtures to the H again about "working on things" - don't be fooled though. They often want to keep the OM plate spinning as well.

Dr. Willard Harley calls this Plan A followed by Plan B.

Just remember, all of your changes have to be sincere and they have to be for YOU alone. Otherwise none of it will work.

GH31