Same Old Wagon Wheel Part 6

[25yearsmlc]

I don't want to participate in a "poll" or have you taking votes to decide YOUR life choices...they're yours to make. Don't second guess so much.

Ruby. Thx. GAL is a huge problem for me lately and I DONT KNOW WHY.
I can't seem to force myself out of the house after kids goto bed etc.

YES YOU CAN. Overcoming inertia is THe challenge and you'll NEVER regret doing it. MEANING, once you get off the couch and out the door, you will be glad you did something for YOU. So

GAL. We hammer it here b/c we KNOW it helps. A lot. MORE than you know. Trust us on that. And don't say you cannot do it.

I GAL big time which helped me big time. I was in the interior of Alaska in the winter and had an infant...so YES YOU CAN GAL.


The other issue is I feel my W is smack dab in the middle of EA or PA.

NOT RELEVANT TO GAL

but GAL would help you not care so much and GAL helps to detach.

Ruby I do spiral but I feel its more when my W starts

Stop blaming HER for YOUR emotions. YOU must come to learn and accept and OWN that you are in charge of your happiness.

Do you at least comprehend what I'm saying??

to be disrespectful to me. Txting men and secretive phone stuff seems to trigger me. Then i think to myself wouldn't that [b]trigger any spouse?
[/b]

1) NO.....not all of us react b/c many of us are too busy GAL to even know If it's happening...and

and 2) what do you mean "trigger"?

I think you mean to be weak and lose control of your emotions.

That's one thing I'll never let myself do again b/c of a choice a man makes.

Plus, I'd become a woman only a fool would leave. Once I KNOW that to be true, then if he leaves me,

he's a fool & that's all I've lost.


You are right either way I need to GAL.

yes. Read your words ^^ here again..and again. Mean them. Implement them. Overcome your inertia and GAL. Don't forget how crucial it is for you AND for your kids.

After not sleeping all night I decided not to confront my W this am. My daughter got up early and was in the room. My W was working today from 9-12 which I forgot about and I just thought it would do me no good 5 days before Xmas and relatives visiting. So I am going to SUCK it up and be a man. Accept that W is going to do these things.

After thinking it out I just thought it would escalate on her end.

I just have no confidence in what to say to her and how to say it to her. Without coming across as a tyrant or dictator.


Given the above, (which you can change by growth and in time, SOON I hope, you'll make those changes so you can maintain control of YOURSELF when you communicate...

but like I was saying, GIVEN THE ABOVE, you're right not to confront now.


My counselor suggested me saying this:

"Is there any chance in us salvaging this M"

Not sure I agree with this ^^

he suggested that instead of confronting her about OM and txting. He just felt if I confront her at all no matter how careful I am she will get on the defense and it will escalate.

you can go in circles all night with this^^^ type of paralysis by analysis.

dig deep and pray. When you decide on something if you're coming from a place of love AND strength, with an actual healthy goal in mind, that will have to be enough. You cannot keep taking votes and changing your mind. Is this a pattern for you elsewhere in your life? How is it affecting you?

None of us here can guarantee you an outcome OR even if our advice is THE best...we all groped our way through.

For the most part I learned a lot about what NOT to do...for the rest, I did my best and left the results up to God.



I am NOT GOING TO LIE to anyone on this forum.

Good. We can disagree with HOW to help you, but it is what we all want for you. No use lying to us. It's your life & marriage we're trying to save.


I am having a tough few days. Being disrespected by W


Sorry you are having a hard time. I really am and I know it hurts.

But I believe we control our emotional outlook AND
That the "disrepect: is a matter of perception on YOUR end and you control that.

For instance, just recently, I got REALLY told off the other day by someone who is both factually wrong in her allegations, And rude too!. I didn't get a chance to deny the allegation (she was ranting like a lunatic, for real...not like any adult conversation I've had or heard in decades)

let alone explain HER Misunderstanding...pretty crazy and this is a FRIEND of mine...or was... SO, what to do or feel? Well

It's a weird feeling. But since it has nothing to do with what I actually did or said, I do NOT feel disrespected.

I feel SHE is off kilter and owes me an apology. I don't expect that, b/c she's so self righteous at the moment, but it matters NOT.

Til I can be confident she wont' rave on me again, I won't hang with her.

I will not lose sleep over it.

FWIW, I doubt your wife is intentionally disrespecting you so much as she lost respect for you b/c of how you treated her in the past,

which she possibly thinks you have forgotten.

In truth, Sometimes it seems to me like you have forgotten.

You write here as if her behavior towards you is inexplicable.

But that is a lie you tell yourself and us. But we see through it. When you see through it, I think you'll get somewhere

and you'll see past this "disprespect" for the pain in her that it is (and remains)

and you'll detach and GAL and be a lot stronger and coincidentally, more appealing. Healthier, happier, etc.



when I work all day long to pay bills and provide for the family is gut wrenching. I am having a very tough last few days. Meditation isn't helping me the last few days.

Just curious and not to quibble...but she works too, right? Hence the joint accounts?

Was one of HER complaints that you were not good with money? Sorry if I'm confusing you with someone else, but I want to confirm...was that one of them?

How does SHE VIEW HER WORK? You make yourself out to be a victim but most fathers work...so what is SHE MAKING you do --that you would not do if she were gone?

I am going to try to get out tonight and play cards

Glad you are playing cards..don't 'try", just get out and GAL.

Here are SOME OF THE

GAL things I did in Alaska, year round or in the winter... Just to get you to expand your horizons.

I coached a girl's softball team

volunteered at a women's shelter

joined a writer's group'

auditioned for community theater AND got roles and met fun people AND learned some literature I didn't know before;

I did stand up comedy (later, I featured at the Comedy Club and The Improv in Hollywood. I did a whole set on MLCs...I write comedy as an avocation)

I edited a hunting book for an author & later went on a big game hunt (neither of which I had ANY prior experience in)

worked out and got in great shape. I looked good. it helps more than I like to admit.

Saw a shrink and for some months, went on ADs.

Did PTA work and helped in my children's classes.

Took a pottery class (a total "Martha Stewart" 180 for me)

Learned to fly a plane, and got a pilot's license (Bucketlist CHECK!!!)

Learned to hunt and deep sea fish, and cross country ski

Took an Italian cooking class

Took a Conversational French class

Wrote a newspaper column & got paid

Went skydiving (Check, bucketlist...then I went again. I loved it).

went dogmushing (=dog sledding to those of you from the "lower 48")

Joined the Officer's Wives club, a total 180 for me, but such a great idea. THere I Made 2 life long friends who got me through a BAD time in my life...Godsends, really.

First month there, I Had a baby and we bonded wonderfully

Volunteered for the Bd of Directors for the Alaskan Wrestling Foundation


and I know there was more

Except for the flying lessons, nothing I did cost more than a few bucks.

You can GAL. When you do, you'll feel better.