Some of you have been challenging me to find the source of my unhappiness. Well I have a hard time answering that question because I think my unhappiness is coming from the pain surrounding my situation. Until that situation is no longer a source of pain, it's going to be a thorn in my side.
The thing that I need to focus on fixing is my feeling of being unfulfilled. I just realized that that's really the issue, and that's been the issue for years, hence the OM's - and that's within my control.
Much harder question. I know that we are not supposed to look to other people to "fulfill" us, but I think that a relationship could bring us happiness. There's a difference. I think fulfillment will come from GAL, friends and feeling comfortable with (and in control of) one's life. I did feel very fulfilled at times when I was younger - even in the first half of my marriage I did. So now I have to figure out how to get that back.
Going back to my first paragraph - when my sitch will no longer be a source of pain - well I suppose that's when I decide it will no longer be a source of pain. Right now, there is SO MUCH pain that I can't ignore it, but maybe if I can take a breather, the pain will lessen. In every book that I'm reading, there's always a part that goes "If x happens in your R, then you are headed for trouble" - and it always seems that X was happening, so that's been a little depressing and painful to think about. It's like, the more I read and think about it, the more I realize how bad things really were.
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
