Stuck between a hard place and the biggest rock.

[Big Bruce]

Hi,
I've given it 24h to minimize any reaction purely emotional or out of anger or depression.

I think W has changed. I believe that from the sensitive person she was, she became that adult brat, uncaring about others, don't giving a $* about how I was going through it all.

My loving responses have been rejected numerous times : my changes, my proposition to sit and talk, my admitting my errors and apology, my willingness to see a marital C or a pastor, etc..

I have decided to not inflict this on myself anymore, I am violating my own principles by allowing this psychological cruelty. I lose appetite, sleep and at work I do crap all day.
And on week-ends, I stare at the clock.

I will do what it takes to obtain 50% time with S, or more.
He'll help me find some balance in my screw up life. He'll ease the loneliness which is killing me. Being lonely is getting me crazy.

As for W, it will be a card saying "Dear W, Merry Christmas", S is too small to communicate anything in the card. He can't draw.
I know I won't get anything from W, it's been the F* all attitude all along. Therefore, I can't be disappointed.

As I am trying to save what's left of me, (my sanity primarily), it will give her the time to think, and possibly feel the loss, and the space to come back.
But I'd only want it if she wants it, and comes get it.

I'm off to France tomorrow.
Enough threads for this year.
Good Christmas and courage to all.

Yours, Bruce.