Living in the Gray

[labug]

I written before about my emails to H being too long and blaming and always containing a not so thinly veiled message or lesson.

Here's an example of where I was before and where I am now.

Hi H, S19 tells me you told him there is a problem with the stove pipe and that smoke will get into the house. I'm not sure why you told him and not me as it's not his responsibility and it puts him in the middle. I lit the stove last night (under strong protest from S19) and thought I smelled smoke but it could have been the power of suggestion. We're still alive today

Is this something you can fix? If not and it's an expensive fix, I don't have the money right now because there have been some other house issues, and as you know the property taxes and car registration are due this month. Oh, and it's Christmas

Bug

I just keep looking forward and have no expectation.

[StubbornDyke]

Good edits, good progress.

I'll add my voice to S19's - don't light it again until you're sure that it's not leaking into the house! That's deadly carbon monoxide we're talking about (which you can't smell). If you don't wake up dead, you might wake up stupid. You wouldn't want that, would you?

Do you have CO detectors installed?

Better to freeze your arse off...

Sorry for the detour. I'm compelled to do my best to put the fear of God into everyone about this under-appreciated hazard.

Back to our regularly scheduled program...

[needgrace]

so sweet SD to be looking out for us all!

[bustingout]

Yes thank you SD!

and labug, my goodness...when i read the email with the edit...that is almost exactly they way I would have written something in the past! It kind of made me cringe at myself seeing it written down like that. Its like I had no idea what kind of not so subtly messages I was sending..dripping in blame and guilt and shame.

Thank you for putting that out there. I know it has helped me :-)

[labug]

SD, you are absolutely right. Sometimes I can be way too hard-headed.

I won't light it again.

We do have CO2 detectors but better safe than sorry...or stupid(er)!

[labug]

And I am so happy tonight, both my sons are now home for the holidays. S23 and I had a great talk on the way home, the 2 hour drive seemed like minutes!

I am a proud and happy Mama.

[JuneReN]

Good edits, good progress.

I'll add my voice to S19's - don't light it again until you're sure that it's not leaking into the house! That's deadly carbon monoxide we're talking about (which you can't smell). If you don't wake up dead, you might wake up stupid. You wouldn't want that, would you?

Do you have CO detectors installed?

Better to freeze your arse off...

Sorry for the detour. I'm compelled to do my best to put the fear of God into everyone about this under-appreciated hazard.

Back to our regularly scheduled program...

OMG!! Lmao! It's like the " pigs in space" voice from the muppets! Thanks SD, you made me laugh!

[JuneReN]

And I am so happy tonight, both my sons are now home for the holidays. S23 and I had a great talk on the way home, the 2 hour drive seemed like minutes!

I am a proud and happy Mama.

Yay! You have every right to be a proud Mama!!

[tori2012]

Labug, enjoy the holidays with your sons, and continue being proud of yourself. Thank you for all your help :-)

[labug]

Thanks, Tori. I know you are going through a tough time right now.

S23 had some interesting insights into "the sitch"

1-that I had taken the "wake-up call," worked on myself and was now a lot happier. We both agreed that my depression had an affect on everyone.

2-that Dad was Dad, a nice guy who doesn't show his emotions, avoids conflict, is very laid back and sticks his head in the sand waiting for things to blow over.

We both agreed that things had been very difficult for all of us before the BD, due to many factors.

Seeing this has spurred S23 to work on himself and he has a very good understanding of the importance of sharing both the good and not so good emotions involved in a relationship.