Finally approaching the starting line!

[eyesopen]

I thought I would do some reflecting tonight. Thought I would start with my 180's which have basically come from me reflecting on our past R, as my w hasn't spewed any venom on me about my faults.

1. Be thankful

I think I have done a very good job with this, although there are times though that I do find myself thinking, I forgot to say thank you. So I still have steps to be made so that it is second nature. It started out with me focusing just trying to say thank you to my w, but has progressed, as it should, with everyone on that I come across that deserves a thank you.

2. Be supportive

This one is a little more difficult. How do you support a spouse that has left and split up their family? Also when interactions are mainly about the kids it doesn't lend to supporting behaivors. Recently things have warmed up a touch and I was able to some some support here and there. Hopefully I will have some more oppurtunities in the future.

3. Speak words of affirmation

Another one that is difficult with a WAW, so I have been trying to do this with everyone. So if I do get another chance it will be second nature. If I don't get another chance, the next person I have a R with will be required to take the quiz as soon as I feel our R may be going somewhere. That way I will be able to practice that one, before the initial high of the new R wears off.

4. Attend church

I didn't realize this was a 180 for me until after I decided to start going. So far I have missed one Sunday in 6 weeks. I had the flu, sorry God. It has been a wonderful experience and by far the easiest one to be consistent with. I have enjoyed every service and it has lightened the load so to speak.

5. GAL

This is the one I really need to focus on more. I do have my children 4-5 nights a week. I have been consistently rock climbing one night a week with friends. I have a hard time giving up any time with the kids. I have a couple home projects that I need to finish and use that time to get out more.

6. Listen

Along with GAL I feel I have fallen short here. I am a better listener than I was pre BD, but I do find myself interupting people that I am talking to. I do catch myself, but it is a lot of "I'm sorry, please finish what you were saying." Need to work on it. Funny thing is I just realized that my children are the perfect practice partners. They talk non stop. Thanks kids.

All in all I think I have done a pretty good job with 180's and having them become more of who I am. I don't think they are second nature yet, but I won't stop until they are.

Sometimes I feel like I have been stuck in LRT forever. As of right know I will stick with it, since our R has warmed a bit, and there have been some small baby steps.

Still working on detaching, and working towards letting go. This is still a difficult thing for me to wrap my head around. A big part of me thinks I need to let go before I will see w moving towards me with more larger steps. I do believe I will get another chance, so it is strange to think that I need to be at a place where I could say no without having doubts. Maybe that chance is only that in the end it will be my decision wether we R our not. Either way it isn't important right now, someday yes, right now what is important are my children, and making my 180's part of me.

I also need to start reading R books, and personal growth books again. I got pretty burnt out during the aftershock of BD. I was constantly reading, mostly on the internet, and a few books that I haven't read much of anything lately. Except for this website.

So there it is, not perfect but without this site I would still be the dog chasing its tail.