Our little pod people tend to send postcards from the Mother Ship around holidays and special events to remind us that they are still out there. They do not want to be forgotten. We will never be rid of them until God calls them home. They will always find a way to stay in touch. Sad, but very true.
I got my postcard yesterday via an odd call, but that's okay. I just smiled and told the caller he definitely needed to learn to speak clearly and tell my xh Merry Christmas! The caller was sputtering and shocked, but he knew I was on to him. Gotta find the humor in this stuff after a while!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, we stay in touch from time to time. It's like talking to the auto mechanic. However, the person who called me wasn't my xh...it was someone he knew. I still get mail addressed to him and magazines that he's purchased and they all have my address on them...they go into File 13 or if I consider the mail important enough, I will put the correct address on it and drop it in the mail, but mostly they are marked "return to sender". There is no point in addressing the matter w/him because he would get a thrill out of knowing it bugged me. The best revenge is do what you need to do and keep quiet about it.
Recently had a several calls regarding dental and eye insurance and advised the caller he's been on the Mother Ship for over 13 years. The agent apologized and said he must be trying to jerk your chain. He advised me that he would not be contacting me again.
They never fully disengage until they are 6 feet under or are too ill in the nursing home to contact you. That's why it is important to learn how to deal w/them and find the humor in their behavior.
I'm sure I'll get another post card during the holidays...I always do. LOL!
You have to find the humor in the situation and just let it roll off your back. If you don't, it will eat you up. So, it's just another day when my huge pod person drops a post card on me. I chuckle and just go on about my business.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
But yes, it finally just dawned on me a couple of days ago that if he had just went quietely, I think I would've been out of these horrible bouts of confusion 6 months after he left. Things are actually all re clicking with me again. It's like I had to learn through the pain, and then apply what I've learned all over again. Im relieved to really understand that this doesn't have anything to do with me, but yet it still stings that all my hopes and dreams went down the toilet with my XH. When it gets down to it, I just miss my friend.
Geez AJ, you don't strike me as a bipolar narcissist! Holy Crap that's venom spew at it's finest!
This is my only significant relationship, my only marriage I've had. I didn't think how he was acting was Normal for a normal divorce process, but at the same time I didn't know. I even told him once that we weren't acting like people that were divorcing. Guess what, he even got pissed about that!He then explained to me that he would expect me to drive over to his house and check on the kids if he had to work early in the morning like I did and they were alone. Funny considering the days he has had to work very early, he wouldn't allow the kids to spend the night with him cause he wouldn't be there! LOL.
Geez AJ, thats how I fee about XH. Technically these contacts would be considered no big deal, but I know him too well. I agree it's his way of making sure I don't forget about him. The longest he's not contacted me was 3 months. Since then he can't seem to go 2 weeks without it, and he makes first contact now.
Something kinda startled me today. D13 made a slide show of her life today, but when I saw pictures of XH, I got struck with lightning again. Very similar to the way I felt when I met him for the second time at 18 years old. Damn it! Must be my empath vibes kicking in again and the Holidays making me weak.
I finally after all this time got Jim Conways book Men in Midlife Crisis from amazon this morning. it will be here in the morning. I did xmas shopping at 4:30 this a.m., now that's shopping!
I just have to vent out my sarcasm and gossip I found out yesterday.
If I haven't mentioned it, I live a very small town. Popuation 2500 -3000. So news travels fast.
Found out OW is now working at the same place XH is! Now isn't that cozy!
So I wonder if when XH told D10 that "ow has gone back to work" if that was his way of telling her that is why they have no cell service anymore was because she wasn't working and XH had to cover everything.
Even more interesting how information out of no where falls into my lap. Today I was talking to a caregiver at work, that I normall don't get to talk to because she works a different shift than I do. She told me that she lived with OW and her now XH (that's in jail for attempted murder on my XH) years ago. Sh lived with them because her family was homeless for a while and I guess were friends with OW and her family. Well the first thing this caregiver said about OW was that she was not a nice person (to put it nicely) and she is no longer friends with her. I had told her that I had heard her Xh was a very nice man, a hard working man and always heard good things about him, so I was suprised she slipped a cog and went postal that night. She told me that YES OW now XH was a really nice guy and she liked him, and her sister is good friends with him. She said that OW's XH absolutely adored OW and was completely in love with her for the 26 years they were together....before she moved out and hooked up with two men.
So...Im putting pieces together. I strongly seem to think that OW started her own MLC, and being friends with my XH, when his MLC started to click in, they just decided to be two peas in a pod.
Very interesting. Very.
WE've said here on the boards that the OP can very well be in MLC themselves.
Now from a spiritual and philosophical, even objective point of view, I wonder what on earth kind of learning lessons two MLCers can gain from being together.
This isn't the first time I've heard from someone that OW is just a B*tch. It's not self confidence and knowing what she wants, it's down right frosty, rude, obnoxious behavior this woman exhibits.
CAn anyone tell me, and GUYS PLEASE YOUR INPUT, what makes a man be attracted to a woman like that? Is it some Madonna/Whore complex?
I've just been taken aback about a few things the girls have witnessed with OW and how she speaks to XH. He acts whipped around her! Yet he'll turn around and spew at me. A frien thinks he's taking all her abuse and literally doesn't know what to do with the situation he's got himself into, so he turns around and dumps on me.
Observations, and thoughts. Don't worry Snodderly that man hasn't ruined my Christmas and nor will he!
ps... bear with my typos. I think some of my keys are starting to wear out and not work. Also, at this hour my brain isn't fulling functioning.
Hope everyone is ready for the Holidays. I get to finish my shopping tomorrw. Christmas has changed so much for the girls. Now that they're older they want more expensive smaller gifts like movies and video games. I just spent over 100.00 on Amazon and it all fit in this tiny box. Gone are the days that there were big bulky presents to wrap.
When you aren't focusing on him, info will drop into your lap. LOL!
What happens w/the mlcer is that they need to a hero/rescuer, someone who takes care of someone w/o being criticized. Your h hooked up w/this woman because her xh went jail and she most likely gave him some sob story about their marriage wasn't a good one, they didn't have anything in common, etc. Once mlc kicks in and they start talking to each other, they begin to belive their stories and that's when the emotional affair kicks off. It's not that they are any better than we are, it's just that the euphoria/infatuation/lust begins. They all think "hey, this person really gets me and understands what I'm going through. I think this is the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with." As time marches on, the euphoria/infatuation/lust will begin to turn to control, i.e., the ow becomes very controlling/demanding. If the men ever get their spine back in place, they will see the light and get rid of the ow or the ow will get sick and tired of mlcer and find someone else.
Mlcers who get together w/other mlcers become two peas in a pod and don't see the forest for the trees. It's all about emotional feelings and believe it or not...it's not about lust/infatuation after a while. It's about being roommates and f@ck buddies once the dew is off the rose.
Yes, they will take the abuse and then take it out on us or anyone that comes into contact w/them. Some of them actually do end up fighting and hurting each other, but generally one will back down and find someone or something to take their frustration out on.
So, grab a chair on the curb and watch the circus go by. Now, that she's back working, it may just get more interesting. Popcorn is on the house and we are popping up quite a bit for the holiday.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Along with the rest of the thoughts, here's some for thoughts for food (so to speak).
Quote:
I've just been taken aback about a few things the girls have witnessed with OW and how she speaks to XH. He acts whipped around her! Yet he'll turn around and spew at me. A frien thinks he's taking all her abuse and literally doesn't know what to do with the situation he's got himself into, so he turns around and dumps on me.
Remember they do tend to go for opposites right? At least at first. But since you know he's in a s-m type relationship (at least emotionally) then you'll have to really be careful to not let him dump his anger on you. Who'll happen is that you'll be helping him to transfer that anger elsewhere. We know that it doesn't belong on you, so maybe that will help him find it's rightful owner
They do sound like two f'd up people if I've ever heard it. The OW's exH - that's sad. And it reminds me it could happen to any of us. This stuff can make you nuts...
I've heard somebody talking about baking cayenne sugar cookies. I don't know if they go with popcorn though...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Kimmerz, I found this posting on another forum and thought of your question.
"Who does anybody get when they're first infatuated? They get what they're looking for - they don't see the real person, just the fantasy.
And the lover is usually putting their best foot forward at the same time anyway.
But eventually, the fantasy wears off, and people revert to their everyday behavior. That happens in every relationship.
However, when someone (or both) are in MLC, they're also frequently role-playing and trying on new personas, because they aren't happy with how their life turned out with the old persona. Often, they're a lot LESS forgiving and accommodating (and sometimes less faithful!) in this new R. But sometimes, for a while at least, they try to fix everything they think didn't go well in the first R.
So there's no telling what the dynamics of a MLC relationship are, or will turn out to be."
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
