you know, sadly- i pretty much know i'm alot of hot air when i'm being such a "tough talker". I got nothin- and i know it. (i hate it- but i know it) it somehow fortifies me sometimes to talk like i actually think i've got some power. unfortunately- the person who cares less holds all the cards. uh hem - that would be h.
i hate to admit it- i hate to care (whatever bit i still do) - Even tho there seems to be peace in the valley - it's just a bad sitch and not looking brighter any time soon.
I just feel incredibly discouraged today - deleted rest - i'm going to spare you in the name of christmas mercy...
like you- i just want to feel happy again. there sure is no justice in this mlc junk.
if you really are so sure you don't want h - then i'd thnk that is something major for you to know. no? it is sad - i'm with your son. i feel bad for the kids as well as you. thank goodness you all have each other.
i shopped a bit- it was ok - made me a bit depressed. oh well- another day gone by. i apologize for that sentiment- there are probably millions of people less fortunate than me and they're plugging alonw quite nicely.
okay- i'll go quit being a whining jackA_s and do something here. ta da!!!
h called in the morning- from the flea market about something he was buying- all perky and like he and i are buds. i can't understand that bit- how he can just be acting like it's allll okay. i know i'm acting "as if" because i'm supposed to be - but what's he doing and why???
why is he even st5riving for normalcy - when he's the one queering the deal? if he wants it to be "like normal" then he can just stop being a jerk and get back to normal any old time.
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY correct that the assumptions are killers -
i don't have one thing to say that is worth reading- guess i'll go finish painting these things and do some glitter. we loooooove glitter. no spirit- but i'm acting "as if" - ta da.
thanks for writing- hope your day was good - xxo ((( )))
if i won a million dollars tomorrow - the only thing i'd do probably different would be buy him out so i never have to worry about my "future" - at least when it came to a roof over my head and my own space. then - - i guess i'd see if he asked to be able to come visit. ??!! have to wonder if he had no power how it would hit him???
he's used to being the guy with the bread - and i'm just the damn - , what? hump on his back i guess. oh well- it would be nice to never have to stew over $$ again- and KNOW i would always have my own place. ta da!Q
i swear - my aspirations are sooo small ... well, maybe a cottage in england & help my neice with college - well, maybe finish myself- well, etc etc etc....
