Spent the past few really trying to reflect and detach on sitch and H. Feel like I can see where I need to be but am not yet quite there. Within a day, I shift from feeling really positive without H and confident, to disgust, to sadness, to fear...you get me. Its funny how the heart can lift and fall within minutes on this ride.
H still has not contacted us (the kids) since he left on his trip with OW. Not even a text asking about them or Ds school production that he missed because he 'had no other choice with his appointment'. We see him in two days and I am working on maintaining a PMA no matter what.
In the car this morning on the way to work I realized I felt good. And I thought, I need to remember this feeling and also remember it may go away and not worry. Because i can bring it back.
Last night my BFF and her H came over for some drinks. Her H used to be my Hs BF too, but H has pulled away more and more over the years.
BFF's H said he was actually starting to think H is not right in his head. He is starting to see the poor decisions, the confusion...I responded by saying yeah...he is not in a good place (i didn't get into too much detail) and that this is part of the crisis he is going through. OW is not helping with his decision-making. He thinks OW is actually a very negative force in H's life right now and is concerned that she will be his downfall.
Was also told OW's recreational use of drugs and alcohol is becoming less than recreational and more habitual. I don't listen too much as rumors run rampant over here. Wonder how much H is affected by her usage, if it is true.
Its hard to have to sit and watch H make these choices...
Other than that, it is the last day of school today for the kids and me (I teach at the school) and we leave tomorrow for Germany. Looking forward to getting away I think....
Take care everyone. :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Busting, you are in a good place. You remain calm and steadfast in the face of adversity. I'll bet you never thought you'd get to this spot but you have persevered and pushed through. You are such a positive force!
Enjoy Germany! I love it there!
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Was invited to a wedding tonight (I was invited, not H and I). About 6 months ago, this upset me...people assuming I am 'single', so I would accept/reject any invitation I received as "we" can/cannot make it.
Today I accept it. And its not so horrible.
I enjoyed being out tonight, with a big crowd of people I know. I noticed some people giving me 'the look' (the 'that's her' look), but I have nothing to hide, so be it.
I will admit, I am still adjusting to going to events alone. Its easier of course when its just my friends. Big events like tonight, was a little awkward. I didn't stay long, but it was good for me. Baby steps.
H texted this evening saying "please say hi to the kids if they are still awake and tell them i'm very excited to see them soon at the airport. Cant wait....!"
I saw the text and the kids were already asleep so I didn't respond right away. When i did respond a couple hours later I said "hi...I will let them know".
So, that is good. Right? I am not taking it personal that he does not acknowledge me because I know I do not factor into his life as it stands for now. The excitement he has for the kids is a wonderful new development. Even if he felt that excitement about seeing the kids in the past, he did not express it.
I understand that this could all be coming off a high of having just been with OW.
In other news, my kids are so excited about traveling to Germany. My D5 broke out into 'tis the season' at dinner and me and S8 joined in. Was fun and silly :-)
I hope all are well. (((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thanks afa! Will work on the PMA for sure. Its such a better place to be in than the alternative...as we both know :-)
Yes, rumor mill is not something to buy into!
Thanks afa! you are always so positive when you visit. I love it ((( )))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thanks SS. It makes such a difference for me to read what you wrote. You are right. I never thought that. :-)
I love Germany too! Although I here it is FREEZING there lol.. At least compared to winters in Sudan...our winters mean we MIGHT turn off the aircon at night lol Bring on the winter clothes!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Busting, I have an extra minute and wanted to wish you a safe and happy trip.
I can see how going to events alone was a challenge. It is for me, still. I have a hard time seeing all the Xmas cards addressed to me alone. But you did so well at the wedding! Be proud of yourself.
And the text from your H shows he's feeling more comfortable expressing his emotions. Another plus.
