Portia, You've been in overdrive for a very long time. Hopefully the ADs will take the edge off and you'll feel better soon. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You've had a lot of stresses in your life at one time.
Yes, your analogy of Alice in Wonderland and how she felt just about sums it up. They lie and cheat and yet they don't trust us. Why? Because they are projecting on to us what they are doing. It's crazy, but that's how it works in their little minds.
My xh spoke of good memories and yet it wasn't enough to turn him around. My xh told me he hadn't loved me in 10, 5 and 1 years. They time will change w/them.
I'm not surprised he didn't call you. He got his emotional fix from you. BTW, the emotional fixes are draining you. You need to let him stand on his own two feet and not be readily available to him. If he calls, don't answer the calls for a while. You need to take care of yourself. He's not thinking about how you are feeling, he's only thinking of himself. So what, if he panics or gets scared because he can't reach you. He's a bit boy and trust me, he can take care of himself and find someone else to talk to for a while.
Portia, it's time that you put yourself first. Make your health your number one priority.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
