Ruby. Thx. GAL is a huge problem for me lately and I DONT KNOW WHY. I can't seem to force myself out of the house after kids goto bed etc.
The other issue is I feel my W is smack dab in the middle of EA or PA.
Ruby I do spiral but I feel its more when my W starts to be disrespectful to me. Txting men and secretive phone stuff seems to trigger me. Then i think to myself wouldn't that trigger any spouse?
You are right either way I need to GAL.
After not sleeping all night I decided not to confront my W this am. My daughter got up early and was in the room. My W was working today from 9-12 which I forgot about and I just thought it would do me no good 5 days before Xmas and relatives visiting. So I am going to SUCK it up and be a man. Accept that W is going to do these things.
After thinking it out I just thought it would escalate on her end.
I just have no confidence in what to say to her and how to say it to her. Without coming across as a tyrant or dictator.
My counselor suggested me saying this:
"Is there any chance in us salvaging this M"
Not sure I agree with this ^^
he suggested that instead of confronting her about OM and txting. He just felt if I confront her at all no matter how careful I am she will get on the defense and it will escalate.
I am NOT GOING TO LIE to anyone on this forum. I am having a tough few days. Being disrespected by W when I work all day long to pay bills and provide for the family is gut wrenching. I am having a very tough last few days. Meditation isn't helping me the last few days.
I am going to try to get out tonight and play cards
When you do _____, it makes me feel ______. So if you continue to ______, I will ______ (for me).
So Drew here lies my issue and it is my issue I know. Let me fill in the blanks:
When you "txt OM", it makes me feel "very disrespected. So if you continue to "txt OM", I will ____. I dont know how to fill in the last blank. I will what leave? Then not see my kids. Or say I will not fund or pay for phone and she can use her money to do so.
I always feel like I am in a giant catch 22 in my sitch. That is how I feel. I feel trapped or stuck in catch 22. I feel my W is in a spot where if I say I will leave she will say "great, good, cya"
If I stay she will continue to disrespect me but I at least get to see my kids everyday.
Or say I will not fund or pay for phone and she can use her money to do so.
I say YES. That's what you CAN control. If you don't want to fund her communicating with other men than don't pay the phone. She CAN use her own money, sure. Her money, her choice.
I may have read you previous posts the wrong way, but you want to continue paying b/c she will do it anyway with her own money?
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
UF no I don't want to continue paying for the behavior. I'm just saying or just seems me doing this doesn't hold much weight because she has her own money to fund her phone.
25 especially you. You mentioned last time I confronted W about txting OM I failed completely.
How can I confront my way in a non confrontational approach. In a way she won't get on the defense. Is that possible.
I plan on letting her know that I find it extremely disrespectful to be texting OM. That I understand she feels distanced in the M etc..
But man I really need some help setting this boundary or the words to come up with.
Just so you know I am not imagining any of this. I know for a fact who she is txting (HS friend still) and even others. I have no proof on others but I do have proof of HS friend. She has been txting him since we started having problems again. (JULY)
I would love to even bring it up in a way for discussion with her.
