Spent the past few really trying to reflect and detach on sitch and H. Feel like I can see where I need to be but am not yet quite there. Within a day, I shift from feeling really positive without H and confident, to disgust, to sadness, to fear...you get me. Its funny how the heart can lift and fall within minutes on this ride.
H still has not contacted us (the kids) since he left on his trip with OW. Not even a text asking about them or Ds school production that he missed because he 'had no other choice with his appointment'. We see him in two days and I am working on maintaining a PMA no matter what.
In the car this morning on the way to work I realized I felt good. And I thought, I need to remember this feeling and also remember it may go away and not worry. Because i can bring it back.
Last night my BFF and her H came over for some drinks. Her H used to be my Hs BF too, but H has pulled away more and more over the years.
BFF's H said he was actually starting to think H is not right in his head. He is starting to see the poor decisions, the confusion...I responded by saying yeah...he is not in a good place (i didn't get into too much detail) and that this is part of the crisis he is going through. OW is not helping with his decision-making. He thinks OW is actually a very negative force in H's life right now and is concerned that she will be his downfall.
Was also told OW's recreational use of drugs and alcohol is becoming less than recreational and more habitual. I don't listen too much as rumors run rampant over here. Wonder how much H is affected by her usage, if it is true.
Its hard to have to sit and watch H make these choices...
Other than that, it is the last day of school today for the kids and me (I teach at the school) and we leave tomorrow for Germany. Looking forward to getting away I think....
Take care everyone. :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
