trying to save my marriage Phase 2

[notsurewhat2do]

You are so right ... both of our husbands are missing out.

So, how did the birthday dinner go? Was it hard? Uncomfortable?

From someone who has been through this once. I can tell you, that I trusted my H wouldn't cheat on me (obivioulsy, he left me clues everywhere but I trusted him so much I didn't pick up on them) but I never completely trusted him as far as leaving. I had it in the back of my mind, if I nagged too much or disagreed too much with what he wanted, he'd leave. And it happend anyways. So I KNOW how hard rebuilding trust can be. I do know that H would have to prove his himislf to me all over again. He would have to deal with me asking questions, checking the cell phone bills, asking where he was during the day, etc. I KNOW I could make the changes he wanted (if I knew what they were exactly). I could be the most communicative person alive, I could be the most supportive wife as possible with his hunting ventures and business venture. But it would be so hard, because I don't think his hunting venture will pay out, I need H to make money, not spend it. I need him to stop thinking about what his dreams are and worry about getting DD through school and college, then live out his dreams. But I honestly don't think any of this is me, I think H is in major MLC and depression and is ONLY thinking about himself.

So, I can't remember and can't go back too far, do you know WHY your H left, other than he wasn't happy? Do you wonder as much as I do what you did that was so bad? I feel like I live in two brains ... the brain that says I didn't do anything wrong, that it's all H. Then the brain that says, if things where great, he wouldn't have been looking.

And wouldn't you love to shake him and say ... if you aren't well mental stable enough to be with me, why is OW different? Does that show they don't really care about OW, just using them?
My therapist is out till the first of the year, but I'm thinking about calling the divorcecare lady I met with. She's been doing this so long, I'm sure she could help me get a few answers, or at least get me looking in a different direction.

Keep you head up! No contact, going dark for me too! Let's be accountable to each other if there is contact and report here ... deal???? We both know there will be because of Christmas, but I'm going to let H do all the contacting, not me! And when he comes over Christmas, I'm going to be looking good and be happy! Like this happens everyday. I'm going to ask about his hunting trip, ask questions about that. Ask about spring time business, etc. No OW or OR talk (not that I have since Thanksgiving), no telling him what I think he needs to do or voice any disagrement, etc. I'm doing 180 and learning to be super independant!

I pray with you that your letter will touch H enough that he will stop and think. And even if you don't see immediate change, that God continues to work on his heart. I pray that everyday, that God will soften H's heart and let him see that his family is where he belongs.