Oh Boy, do I recognize all these feelings.... I posted and posted until I made some sense of it all, which I suggest you do.
Sometimes, when you love someone, it trumps a lot of things, and it really shouldn't, but that doesn't mean you can't forgive someone who does these things and still love them anyway.
If H were to say tomorrow that he had been the world's biggest fool and wants to come home, what would you say and why? Some things that we thought were unforgivable simply are forgivable. It doesn't mean your values are not worthy or that you are any less the person you were. It's just that you found other things more worthy.
I think also, it is time to explore the fear of being alone as well. That is why GAL is so important, I feel it is that first step to reclaiming yourself and your own space and being okay with the fact that you are on your own.
