I see that you have a cautious/guarded attitude, whioh is what you need now, to protect yourself.
My coach says to lean toward actual friendship. There's a guy who posted about his marrying his XW after a year being divorced, and he said he became his XW's close friend before she decided to change her mind.
I know it's hard. All of us women on the board seem to be dealing with the whole friendship thing...
Yep. I think it is hard to know where that line is and honestly is shifts an awful lot for me. In my case, being friendly is "Hey how's it going? Passed my exam, want to get a quick coffee, talk about kids, schedules" That may be friends for H, but he also wants to talk about his life, and I really have no interest in hearing about the OW and his new friends etc. None. So I said personal lives are off limits. What I do will get back to him because of the small town I live in (thanks Forest!!) and the circle of friends we share for activity based stuff. So, by not knowing about his life, I am protecting myself while I heal and give myself the opportunity to continue to grow and explore. Will there be times that I hear through the grapevine? Yep, and I know that I will be sad and probably a bit obssessive etc, but if this type of friendship is the definition, then if I do not contact for a few days, it is not seen as unusual, or if I do not respond right away, he does not think something is up.
I realize the goal is to detach, but I know I am not there yet, so my steps are to help me get there
Originally Posted By: RegretfulLA
I'm actually NOT dealing with the friendship thing. My H, who is the WAS - or who started as the WAS - has no interest in being friendly. He's just being, well, he's just not being nice at all. So who knows what that means.
Your H does still love you, I can feel it. I also sense he feels guilty about leaving you. I think you have a chance at putting it back together Ruby once the sheen of OW starts to wear off.
In the meantime, you keep going the way you have been. GAL, flirting... YES! Go buy some new clothes. Look hot. I can tell you are sassy and you should work it.
Regretful, I wish I was a millionaire because I want to fly over and hug the cr@p out of you!! You are so amazing, your situation, your advice and just who you are. It's not who you are becoming, I maintain that that person has always been there, we just lost her for a little while. You find her and tell her to be happy, you don't need no stinkin' validation from others, get it from yourself!!
TG- you have been a rock ((())))
SS- keep struggling,as I said above I think that line is fluid and changes depending on the sitch and who you are and who you were. In my case, I was cold then hot, then ignoring then snooping etc. It is my goal to maintain a steadier state. I have blown it recently by having a very cold convo with SIL but apologized to her. Although H is confused with the friend/friendly thing, he must be pulling his hair out lol!! To him, friendly doesn't include saving a seat at D's concert for him...? Weird, I know, but he doesn't seem to know where my boundary is, but I said, private lives remain just that, private. In our sitch, the trust has to come back and communication must be point blank, or the spaces get filled with misinterpretations. It may be different in your case.
