I don't normally share much from my wife.

[GH31]

Okay I have to ask, this just sounds exhausting. This is for all of you, piecing.

It is exhausting in the beginning and takes everything you've got.

Are your relationships still as happy as before BD?

Well, if our relationships were happy before then they wouldn't have disintegrated.

There are probably better questions than this one.

When you "piece" you're not trying to restore what you had before. It's impossible because what you had before was destroyed. Piecing is beginning again, on a new foundation.

The idea is to build a marriage which is even closer, happier and more loving than it ever was before.

Have you regained trust for your spouses?

Yes and no. Trust is something that is freely given in the beginning but once it's broken it can only ever be earned back. I am less trusting of anyone now including both my wife and myself. We will all cheat, lie and do despicable things under the right conditions. The key to keeping your marital house clean is to avoid the situations that would trigger such behaviour in the first place. I do trust my wife. The urge to constantly watch her, check up on her and second guess her every word has disappeared and there's a very good reason for that. She has, over the past several years, shown her self to be trustworthy again.

Do you ever think it would just be easier, to start again, with someone new?

Yes. I thought this for several years. But I couldn't let my wife go - it did not feel intuitively right. It will be hard whichever path you take.

And if and when you marry again, you will have problems in your new marriage to overcome. It is often (not always) better for both of you in marriage to learn how to get through your own difficulties together. The more you do it, the better you get at it together.

Second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first ones and it's no accident. The two of you would likely have a whole lot more baggage and "issues" that you'd be bringing into the equation.

Hang in there Soul.Searching. The best wisdom you're going to get here is from other ladies who've been through what you're experiencing and who have come out the other side.