Back Again #3 GAL sister!

[littleGTO]

MKB23,
Just doing some catching up on others' threads tonite. I ran across yours several times but haven't posted.

I'm sorry you aren't feeling well.

It does seem "interesting" that H is showing little signs of reaching out to you. (Pursuer-distancer relationship?) ANd, "trouble in paradise" is good too!

But I understand your wanting to just back off and let things be.

It sounds like you have some very solid goals as well as some things "to think about."

Hang in there & get well!

[MKB23]

Thanks guys for checking in. I have been busy dealing with S situation and also with the D's here at home.
Not much else going on. H and I sort of had words at visitation on Thursday for S the other day. Also the day before(wednesday) after court. We got there and S attorney and I were talking. ( to be fair, he is young and VERY good looking. I think there is attraction there on both of our parts) anyway, so after court we were outside talking and H storms up, stomps actually and just acted crazy. Screaming, said something to the effect of yea you are just Ms. Nice and innocent. Or something like that. I ignored him and got in my car. I think then he and the attorney had words. I couldn't hear clearly but something was definitely said. Perhaps H picked up on the mutual attraction? I dunno. Don't care really. Then the following day at visitation he started again. He was obviously still in a snit and very very obviously high.
just made it unequivocally clear that if he couldn't speak to me respectfully not to speak. Also, not sure if I mentioned it here but I have an Apple email address I have had for years. It is accessible from any web browser. So I went to bed late last Wednesday night. Woke up and it was locked up. Which means since I have an iPhone and Macs that it locked up my Apple ID across the board which means contacts, calendars, email, itunes, all of it was giving me security errors on all devices. Apparently, someone tried repeatedly to log in and Apple locked it up. I mentioned it. It was weird but I am pretty sure it was them. Something about how he reacted. Made him mad, he acted pretty childish. Same old, same old.

I have managed to pretty effectively cut myself off. So the last couple of days have been pretty good. One thing that bothered me was I think I mentioned he asked girls to decorate his Xmas tree this Sat. He never called nor contacted them. We did pass him on the road in the afternoon. He waved. I didn't. Girls did.

I did get some great news on the school front. So that is trucking along.

I am starting to be concerned about our house. I basically have decided that I am willing to pretty much give him everything else but I want the house as it is paid for. Also, with the changes with school I have about a year left so I will need to stay here in KY. S will also be on probation for a year. So everything points to staying here. H and I haven't talked about anything or any business. I think I am okay with that at this point but I DO need to get some sort of information on the house. Dreading that. I think perhaps I will wait for several weeks before I try to approach it.

The kids have pretty much come to the conclusion finally that H and I will not be reconciling. I think actually given the circumstances they even understand why.

One thing I have noticed is that we have more support from odd places. lol People I didn't expect support from so that is very nice.

I hope everyone is good here. I am actually feeling pretty good. No outbursts of anger or anything. Pretty calm. Not getting baited into any arguments. Busy. lol I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas!

[tori2012]

Wow, Melissa, I'm happy to see how calm and composed you sound! It looks like you're legally protected, have kept your cool around your H, are keeping the kids safe and well-informed, and know what you want. GOOD FOR YOU.

Yes, give yourself as much time as you need to talk about the house. Meet at a public place to talk about it (restaurant?)

Keep up the good work, and best wishes to you on Christmas too.

[Wendylon]

Melissa, like Tori, I'm really impressed. You bounce back incredibly quickly from difficult situations. You strike me as being incredibly resilient.

I'm so glad you got great news on the school front and that you're finding support from unexpected sources.

I like that you're not getting baited into any arguments. Keep it up!

[MKB23]

Thanks ladies - I am doing well. Funny how that is. I keep waiting on the other shoe to drop or something. Second guessing myself. Wondering am I really processing this - this quickly or am I stuffing, am I not dealing? The odd thing is I think I am dealing. Who knew? It just occurred to me that I need to put my energy into things that will actually give back. I was thinking about H today. Saw him tonight actually at visitation for S. I really feel pretty detached. I didn't think I would ever get here. I just have no desire to even really be around him. He has been nice enough when I have to see him. Of course, I guess I would be nice too if I was high. lol Not that it's funny but really it is what it is.
I don't wonder what he's doing. I don't care. Really. Weirdness.
He walked out to the car with me. Hung in the window talked to the D's. I didn't speak to him any more. I wasn't rude or anything just really I guess I feel like he is a stranger. I don't volunteer information, I don't ask. I also don't explain anything if he overhears anything when I am talking to S or D's. He speaks to me but not really about anything important. In some ways, I think sometimes he feels uncomfortable. The longer we go like this the more distance there is. Not just between he and I but also with the kids. When we do visitation we all sit at the same table. Much of the conversation he really has no idea what or who we are talking about anymore. I guess that is because due to all the circumstances there are a number of new people in our life that he doesn't know. SO he just sits there. Never says anything much of the time.

I am pretty happy where my life seems to be headed. Yep there are obstacles but everyone has those. Mine are just that - mine. The further away I get from my M and H the further I want to be. That might sound odd.

Maybe I am a WAS now? Or maybe I just have found me again. I have no answers. Just taking it as it comes and accepting I have no control. I can plan all I want but sometimes God has different plans for me. All I can do is trust in HIM.

I'm glad you guys are doing well.

[littleGTO]

You are right, GOD has plans for all of us...and we have to accept that it MAY NOT be w our Hs. I pray every day for patience, guidance, love and TRUST (for me & my H, as I know he is not reaching out to God right now).

You sound so strong! i hope I get to the place you are in if H makes this long journey continue away from me & family.

[albamarie]

The further away I get from my M and H the further I want to be.

Its funny how is does get easier. It is freeing knowing that your going to be ok!

Good for you MK -

Best, DM

[tori2012]

Great to hear you're doing so well, Melissa. :-)
Keep posting, as new emotions might surface and we'll be here to support you.

[MKB23]

Sigh. I started a post before and my computer ate it. I am just journaling a little. It helps me to see some of these things in writing.

I woke up this morning to my email being locked up again. I was online until pretty late last night and it was working fine when I went to bed. Another thing I have noticed is it seems to happen after I have seen H the previous night. Perhaps I am just being paranoid. I dunno. I can say that for 5 years I have never had this problem before. Much less to have it repeatedly. Really it isn't a big deal at this point it is just irritating.

Anyway, we had to go to court for S. H came in and sat next to me in the waiting area. Asked me a couple of questions. I was polite but didn't offer any other information or conversation. I had actually been reading. So then he goes and sits with his Father.

Once we get into the court room he comes and sits next to me again while his Father is in the row behind us. He did ask me a couple of questions. I finally shushed him. Not to be rude but because I couldn't hear. I don't think he was mad. I think he was having a hard time hearing too. Thing is though, he just sort of irritates me at this point. I have been trying to figure out what it is exactly and I think it is just his wishy washy way. He is interested in S but will not accept any responsibility at all. It is infuriating. I sort of feel like go away if you aren't going to help. Be a part of the solution or get out of my way and let me handle it. I guess I feel like he is judging me, watching. Again, not willing to help really. Just lording over me. That could just be my perception. Regardless it is how I feel though.

After it was over S came and sat with us for a few mins. He sat between us actually. Attorney came over too. H was again sort of craning around trying to hear my conversation with the attorney. Whatever. I am sure he is interested. One of the dumb things he did though was when they asked for H contact info in case they needed to get a hold of him - he lied. He gave a PO Box and his father's phone #. Now I think the court officials have basically decided not to give him any information. It's so convoluted. We talked to S for a few minutes then I had to go back and speak with the Juvenile Justice probation officer. H could have come in, could have gotten involved but instead he stood in the doorway there listening but never participating. So frustrating.

Once she and I finished talked I just walked out. Didn't say much else. Not bye not anything. Just left.

H father called me later asked exactly what had happened apparently he couldn't hear either. It was only a 2 min conversation according to the timer on my phone. Sadly, they are not speaking to me after H told them I had said, "D's were not allowed there and it wasn't their family." A lie. Regardless, they (Father in law and H step mother) are being rather rude at this point. Not sure I mentioned that they live next door to us. So literally I can holler and they can hear me. I don't think they intend to even see the D's for Xmas. I dunno. If they do they haven't said a thing to me. Of course, I guess that's hard to do when you're holding a grudge and won't speak to someone.

That was my day as far as interaction went. S called later. He is really reaching out to me which he hadn't been for a bit.

D's are doing a bit better but still very upset at S being gone. Very upset. It is further compounded by the fact they are not allowed to visit him.

I am doing pretty good. The D's and I make Xmas cookies and buckeyes this evening. If you can call them that. We were pretty much a kitchen fail but had fun anyway.

I still felt the connection with the attorney and that makes me uncomfortable on some level. I like it some too though. Hard to quantify those feelings.

I'm tired tonight and the D's are all getting some sort of horrifying cold. Here's hoping I don't get it as well. My state of mind isn't great when I am feeling bad.

Can I just say though that overall today wasn't a bad day. Not a great day though. I am still not experiencing much anger or anything at this point. Actually no anger. Some frustration. I guess where I feel like I am doing all the work myself. Otherwise though, things are alright. If I can just get my S home things will be great!

I hope everyone here is having a good day. Now I think I am off to bed. Night all.

[Soul.Searching]

You sound like your doing pretty good with the detachment. I hope your son is able to come home soon.