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Oh crud. I just learned her brother, wife, and daughter will be staying with us from Sat through Friday.

Not sure i should confront her on anything until Xmas is over

If my suspicions are correct i think she is waiting to split after holidays

Mr B the funny thing is I don't feel like paying for her phone. I can do what you said but just so you know she moved a large sum of money out of our jc acct to her personal acct. what I'm getting at is she could easily pay for her habit

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Wait a minute. How was she able to move money into her personal acct.? Did you talk to her about it? When are you going to start standing up for yourself? Does your L know?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Originally Posted By: PowerOfNow
KD. Nethamster now PON. Miss your insight


hey hamm, caught up on the last few pages of your thread.

You've got some serious heavies all over you and really man, you are blessed for it. Everything they are telling you is spot on and you are kinda getting it, but I will tell you one thing...

The hardest thing I ever did was... let it go...

Just... let... go... my friend...

It sux... it really, really sux...

and then...

it gets better.

Take a step forward. Take that step.

You know in your heart what you need to do.

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Originally Posted By: PowerOfNow
Yes but one says to not confront her at all (25) b says stand up to her , you state five it no energy because true DB is taking focus off her . Let her go out who cares


where did I say not to confront her? I said to drop the OM talk, stop the endless snooping, and absolutely to stop bringing in OTHER People...confronting THEM...trying to "catch" them and make them "wrong"...

that does not mean you should hide and cower...

there's a HUGE difference.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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My L does know. It is her money too. My L advised me to let her move it but keep track of it. Almost as a loan. In my state everything is. 50:50 etc

25 do you agree with Mr, bs method of asking her to stop txting OM?

Mr b do you agree with it after learning she has her own funds to pay for it?

KD? When you let go you left right ?

It's 130 am my time I'm thinking about confronting her after I put S on bus at 830

I'm getting tired of the txting and me cowering

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I'm sitting up in bed trying to gather the right words to say to my wife in the am.
I don't know what to say really.

"Are you txting other men with your phone ?"

"I find it extremely disrespectful to me and the kids"

"I understand you feel distance in this marriage but this behavior I won't tolerate "
"I feel this behavior is pulling you further from our m"
"I'm no longer going to pay for your phone if this continues. "

"Again ask her to move out"

I'm tired of being walked on, paying all the bills and coming home to a disrespectful wife

Her answers to above its fine I don't love you and I'm leaving after Xmas is my guess

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Originally Posted By: PowerOfNow
KD? When you let go you left right ?


No... I didn't let go until well after I left...

because I still kept trying to confront her... to "catch" her... to plead my case... it did not make it better.

So...

I stated my position, set my boundaries (the not being in an open M was the one I set as I walked out the door), and stuck to them.

My M hasn't been saved. There was nothing to save. But I got "me" back. I finally began to respect myself, again. And with that, life got better.

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25 earlier threads you covered the scenarios of me confronting my W about OM and txt (OM HS friend who hit on her when separated)

You gave me several outcomes and stated none would be productive

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Vent your butt off!! Just say okay, don't say have fun...you don't mean it. You need to get out. Find a GAL activity a couple of nights a week. Sign up for a continued ed. class at local Uni or college, volunteer.... you need to get out of the house. Sign kids up for an activity that you take them to; swimming play date, kid's art/yoga/dance/gymnastics...whatever!!!

If funds are tight, then take them out to McD's playland in winter after supper and buy a cookies to share. Find a community centre that has activities for kids, go to beach or swimming-you live in Cali for g-d's sake!! It was -18 here the other day!!!

Get away. Get out of house. Take kids with you to an activity if absolutely necessary to begin GAL, but I suggest you GAL at least one night on own.

It seems as if you wait and wait for W changes, and when they don't come, you spiral into this.

I have to have less contact with H (and we are separated and it is easier to detach-but harder to show changes as posted) in order to not begin that obsessive thinking again. Since you are in the same house, this is why I suggest getting out in evenings, to create that space.

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Originally Posted By: PowerOfNow
So when she pulls a hissy and says I'm going out. Just say ok have fun. Don't vent on here about it or give energy to it by talking about it



^^^^ that was in reply to this...sorry

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