If you usually follow her lead, then come up with other plans. But if she doesn't tend to lead then follow and as you said, "cheerfully encourage her to figure out what she wants..."
You're doing great!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017