Total Eclipse by Dan Band

[2chiquitos]

Thank you StubbornDyke. I really do hope my experience helps others.

Thank you Lovemyfamily. I will check out your thread! ;-)

Thank you Bustingout. YES! OW IS irrelevant! I'll have that tattooed on my forehead when I obsess about her!

Thank you Scaredsilly. My reactions have gotten better with time. And I am trying to handle it all with grace. I look back and know I have carried myself as a woman with dignity (most of the time ;-)

Thank LITB. We haven't reconciled yet to the point where he is willing to come home but it's so much better than before.

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Journaling

As I had mentioned before, I wanted H and I to go somewhere non-fast food because I felt rushed. Funny thing is he asked if we could go to a family restaurant and if the kids could join us. I agreed. We had a nice time and when he called later that night I told him. He thought I wouldn't want to because the kids were with us. I didn't mind.

I started to do something. I wouldn't recommend anyone do this if your separation/BD is recent. I think I waited long enough where I could start taking steps towards R.

I put notes in random places. I put a note in a sandwich I made him that said, we enjoy your company. In the back I wrote, why? because you make us laugh. Why? because x, y, z.

I put another one in his gym gloves and in his clean clothes hamper. He hasn't said anything, but I didn't expect him to. Nor did I expect him to reciprocate. I did it to leave notes letting him know how I feel about it. Making myself vulnerable is scary for me but I took a leap.

I don't know if he's found them or not or what he thinks of them. But he seems friendlier. All in all, the past few days I've seen a very gradual but noticeable change for the better.

However, I still don't know what to do about Xmas eve. I feel sad knowing he won't be coming home with us but at the same time I'm feeling more gutsy to ask him to spend the night, even if it's just that night.