Sigh. I started a post before and my computer ate it. I am just journaling a little. It helps me to see some of these things in writing.
I woke up this morning to my email being locked up again. I was online until pretty late last night and it was working fine when I went to bed. Another thing I have noticed is it seems to happen after I have seen H the previous night. Perhaps I am just being paranoid. I dunno. I can say that for 5 years I have never had this problem before. Much less to have it repeatedly. Really it isn't a big deal at this point it is just irritating.
Anyway, we had to go to court for S. H came in and sat next to me in the waiting area. Asked me a couple of questions. I was polite but didn't offer any other information or conversation. I had actually been reading. So then he goes and sits with his Father.
Once we get into the court room he comes and sits next to me again while his Father is in the row behind us. He did ask me a couple of questions. I finally shushed him. Not to be rude but because I couldn't hear. I don't think he was mad. I think he was having a hard time hearing too. Thing is though, he just sort of irritates me at this point. I have been trying to figure out what it is exactly and I think it is just his wishy washy way. He is interested in S but will not accept any responsibility at all. It is infuriating. I sort of feel like go away if you aren't going to help. Be a part of the solution or get out of my way and let me handle it. I guess I feel like he is judging me, watching. Again, not willing to help really. Just lording over me. That could just be my perception. Regardless it is how I feel though.
After it was over S came and sat with us for a few mins. He sat between us actually. Attorney came over too. H was again sort of craning around trying to hear my conversation with the attorney. Whatever. I am sure he is interested. One of the dumb things he did though was when they asked for H contact info in case they needed to get a hold of him - he lied. He gave a PO Box and his father's phone #. Now I think the court officials have basically decided not to give him any information. It's so convoluted. We talked to S for a few minutes then I had to go back and speak with the Juvenile Justice probation officer. H could have come in, could have gotten involved but instead he stood in the doorway there listening but never participating. So frustrating.
Once she and I finished talked I just walked out. Didn't say much else. Not bye not anything. Just left.
H father called me later asked exactly what had happened apparently he couldn't hear either. It was only a 2 min conversation according to the timer on my phone. Sadly, they are not speaking to me after H told them I had said, "D's were not allowed there and it wasn't their family." A lie. Regardless, they (Father in law and H step mother) are being rather rude at this point. Not sure I mentioned that they live next door to us. So literally I can holler and they can hear me. I don't think they intend to even see the D's for Xmas. I dunno. If they do they haven't said a thing to me. Of course, I guess that's hard to do when you're holding a grudge and won't speak to someone.
That was my day as far as interaction went. S called later. He is really reaching out to me which he hadn't been for a bit.
D's are doing a bit better but still very upset at S being gone. Very upset. It is further compounded by the fact they are not allowed to visit him.
I am doing pretty good. The D's and I make Xmas cookies and buckeyes this evening. If you can call them that. We were pretty much a kitchen fail but had fun anyway.
I still felt the connection with the attorney and that makes me uncomfortable on some level. I like it some too though. Hard to quantify those feelings.
I'm tired tonight and the D's are all getting some sort of horrifying cold. Here's hoping I don't get it as well. My state of mind isn't great when I am feeling bad.
Can I just say though that overall today wasn't a bad day. Not a great day though. I am still not experiencing much anger or anything at this point. Actually no anger. Some frustration. I guess where I feel like I am doing all the work myself. Otherwise though, things are alright. If I can just get my S home things will be great!
I hope everyone here is having a good day. Now I think I am off to bed. Night all.
