improvements w H but still no closeness. Now what?

[Accuray]

Glad it was helpful, it can be really hard to just listen and absorb when the other person is spewing total crap or has completely misunderstood you. Everything you have will be screaming to correct his perceptions or defend yourself. Learning to hold back in the moment is a muscle that must be exercised to be strong. Keep telling yourself that "I hear you" is different from "I agree with you". Also train yourself to avoid filling in what's not said. "If he said A that means B and B makes me angry". That kind of thinking tends to be marriage poison because he never said B but is still being punished for it. This stuff is hard and takes practice, don't be too hard on yourself, but if you catch yourself slipping up apologize for it in the moment -- I'm sorry, I meant to listen to you but I'm defending myself. Please explain how you feel again. That goes a long way.