In Limbo

[AJW]

Hello all, brand newbie here. I'll try to keep this brief if I can.

Married 6 years with a 5 year old daughter. The last two years have been particularly cold and distant, although we've managed to create a warm, consistent environment for our daughter for the most part. Unfortunately I actually mentioned divorce two years ago and I said we should go to counseling. Two sessions and not much effort - we ended up back to the status quo of not communicating and I retreated into myself, while my wife started building a wall between us and was able to develop relationships outside our marriage at her work. Most recent news is that I started to see a more drastic change in her behavior – going to parties with single work friends, getting drunk and not coming home until wee hours of morning, constantly on iPad/phone. I ended up finding suggestive texts that hinted at infidelity and confronted her. She denied at first and then I pressed her about messages. She assumed that I was ready to give up and she unloaded about how unhappy she’s been (which she fairly easily hid from me for some time). She had completely hardened herself to me and I was too consumed with my own thoughts and selfishness to notice. But instead of throwing in the towel, I’ve made it clear that I want to save the marriage and that I love her.

Right now she’s still at home, but has expressed that she mostly stays for our daughter and my words/actions have little impact on her. I ran into some talk about “180 plan” and then followed the trail to the Divorce Busting website. I’ve seemingly done all the wrong things up until now but am trying to turn a corner. I’ve tried to rekindle the romance, plan dates, pursue her, reason with her, spy and monitor phone calls/texts/social networking, etc. etc. My emotions have been all over the place and I’ve come off desperate and needy. It’s so hard for me to stay cool and collected in this situation. I want it to be fixed and I want her to give up this other life she’s been leading and see us as a family again. And I so badly want to be a better man all-around. Hindsight is always 20-20 I guess. I wish I could go back.
Anyway, this is probably old news, but I’m looking for any kind of support I can get and this seems like a good place. I have reached out to friends and am trying to keep my head in the game as best I can.