LBS gearing up for the long haul

[Dm45]

C visit:
Went in with a list of items, all discussed here over last couple days. The main items were
1) how to get control of thoughts
2) I don't trust my thoughts or judgment of the situation and therefore my decisions

Everything else bothering me seems to be rooted in those two.
C's advice was remarkably familiar...you all have been telling me same things all along...with the addition of a recommendation to see Dr. for possibly getting anti-anxiety meds. Also, you guys are great and very helpful, but talking face to face to a human being also helped I think.

Read a little about anti-anx...seem more serious than AD especially fast acting ones like Valium (my grandmother was addicted... W had one many years ago and immediately flushed the rest because it felt so good she was afraid of addiction.) we are both squeamish about drugs. I am considering though because I was in a very bad place a day or two ago.

Even more positive, it's been 24 hours since I did anything stupid, or had an overly emotional episode. I did tear up in C office, but didn't cry like I assumed I might.

W texted late afternoon she would be brining us pizza. Thanked her enthusiastically. She's brought food twice this week so asked her if S16 had been telling her no food in the house. (there is...his definition of food in the house is food he doesn't need to lift a finger for)

We chatted pleasantly for 15 minutes tops. She asked if I had C appt. and did it help. Said yes I think so, didn't go to any detail, just said C wants me to focus big picture not day to day trials.

W said she's got to get better. Can't come back to where she felt abused. Said she knows it's a harsh word and I didn't hit her but she felt abused. I said I know she felt abused. I neglected her, and it made her feel that way. She said yes that's it. She said also the "little 2" (our nickname for s16 and d17 who looked like twins when small) mistreated her. I agreed, said we need to set boundaries for the way we all treat each other. She agreed.

Offered for her to come in for pizza, she was tired. Did not sulk or press. Thanks again, enjoy your day off tomorrow. We got so loose, I ALMOST slipped and said "love you, bye" old habits die hard.