Stuck between a hard place and the biggest rock.

[Big Bruce]

Hello,
I don't know, I'm changing my view on all of it now.
I will do what the DB coach told me months ago :

tell her I love her enough to let her go if that's what she chose.

I was not ready to say it at the time. Now I'm sick and tired of being the nice guy and seeing nothing in return. Anyone normal would have already come back or at least sat down to talk.

I'm starting to think she's not worth the fight. If she had a little bit of heart or compassion, she wouldn't let me go through all of it the way I did. She's clearly not a good-hearted person.

From this day on, I'll more than back off, I'll ignore her. It's taking its toll on me I realize. I'm not the happy person I used to be, I'm destroyed inside.

She may not come back. Too bad.
Even if she did, it hurts so much inside after what she's done, I'm not sure it would have been the same anyway.

If it wasn't for S, I would go back to France, to a monastery or something. I'm through with the world.