Sandi, you know you totally read my mind. I was thinking when I was hiking "what could/should I have done differently last night? What would I have done if I could take it back?"
The answer was absolutely nothing - don't react, don't TM him back, nothing. But once again, some of us need to get hit in the head with a 2X4 more than one time, before we get it.
I like the word you said - unconcern. It's perfect.
I was doing pretty well last month, I thought....I wasn't TM him when he left for work, wasn't asking about anything, being nice but not needy - until I let my emotions take over. Wrong! So I'm taking your suggestions.
I do struggle with this idea though: by behaving as if I'm unconcerned, not bringing up the M / R at all, and generally doing my own thing and being happy, isn't that like giving permission to his behaviors I don't appreciate? If our WAS does something next week that is "disrespectful" how do we make it clear we don't like something, while detaching at the same time? Striking that balance is tough for me to understand yet, because at what point do we get to talk about how their behaviors affect us? Do we have to put that on hold for a while? Is it ok to put these feelings on hold for months while they work out their stuff? I guess I need to know if that's healthy to do. How do you put your own feelings of hurt on hold, things that would normally wreck you, while not feeling like you just turned yourself into a doormat?
I guess it goes back to giving nothing for a while. But what do we do with all our hurt in the meantime?
