What are your plans for christmas day? Who will you be with?
Christmas day i will have my family over. I am getting my mom from the nursing home and having my mom and dad and brothers and sister over for dinner. Chrismas eve will be hard for me as this is when my WAW and I would go over to there family house and have a big dinner and open gifts. Then on chrismas day i know my WAW and I would have dinner for her mom and her kids that day as everyone else will be at there family house. So I am not sure what she will be doing but i know she will have a dinner with her mom.
I'm so glad you had the courage to reach out to another person. It doesn't imply weakness and it is wise to do so when you feel so low you don't want to go on.
One thing I'd like to respond to what you said:
Quote:
I pray every day that God will see it in his heart to give us a 2nd chance. I know all things are possable threw him. God hates divorce as well. so i keep hoping.
I agree that it isn't God's desire to see M end in D, even when we chose very badly. But please don't set yourself up to think it's about Him giving you a second chance. You already know His stand on D, right? I believe relationships are usually left up to the free will in people. However, He certainly is in your corner here, and He will give you the strength and guidance you need. I also believe He can accomplish anything and He can work things together for your good.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks for that. I understand The God thing. I know he is in my corner and Pray that he may soften my WAW heart and block any temtation that may be causing her to be the way she is. I get the free will thing. Wish I did not just kidding.
The Nice thing is that i get to talk to my step daughter and motherin law and well there entire family. Sometimes i think it is good sometimes i think it is bad. but everyone seems to be on my side here well atleast to my face. I know my mother in law told me the other day that she misses her daughter.. She does not get to see her to much..... not like she use to
No one seems to understand what is going on and why WAW is not talking to me or anyone. I just sometimes think that the rumore that she may have turned Gay may be true. but i try not to let my minde think it. I have no proff so i cant say she did. Just know that she hangs out with her one freind all the time that is gay. this all started the time we started having problems. so who knows
Unless a person has been through the experience, or has studied the subject of the WAW, I don't think they understand how foreign she can be from who she used to be. The people who love her try to figure out what is happening to her, but none of it makes any sense, at least until you read about it, and then it still seems crazy! That is one way that this board is very helpful, b/c they educate newcomers.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Unless a person has been through the experience, or has studied the subject of the WAW, I don't think they understand how foreign she can be from who she used to be. The people who love her try to figure out what is happening to her, but none of it makes any sense, at least until you read about it, and then it still seems crazy! That is one way that this board is very helpful, b/c they educate newcomers.
Thank you for all that. Today I feel so so. I am just on the fence with if i should get a xmass gift or not. I was going to get one of 2 things. 1st was a gift cert to the hair place she goes to. the 2nd thing was 2 tikets to see PINK who she loves. I know that she does not have the means to do to much with all the bills she has. so i was thinking something fun would be nice.
I just so unsure and only God knows how she will take it.. I do truly love my WAW but I hate the place I'm in now!!!
I put money in our joint account last night.. I sent a text today to my WAW. this is what i sent.
Hi XXXXX Hope your having a good day. I wanted you to know there is 300 in our joint account. plese accep this as a gift.. By no means am I doing this because I think u need it. Im just doing it so you can get those little extra things we always want to get for everyone. so please just accept my gift to you!! Love you and God be with youand fill your heart with peace love and joy today!!
her reply TY!! Although I appreciate it. I wont use it. Enjoy ur day.
My reply back
Well it is there and your gift. I do still love you very much so XXXXXX..
Her reply Ty!
Her 2nd reply The best gift you could give me is to respect my wishes!!! I believe you are trying to make me HATE my family. I would never do that to you!!!!!
My reply HUH?
Her reply Just think about it !!! Just think about it!!! I am too angry to elaborate so im not going to so I dont say anything i may regret!!
My reply I do not understand. I have not done anything and dont get why you hate your Family. I dont talk about you I dont do or say anything. I dont understand why u r still angry. We will talk soon and I'm sorry for whatever u think i may have done to make you mad at your family..
Her reply I did not say I hated my family!
Im so at a loss here and need some input How did this simple gift turn into such a mess. I just do not understand why she is still so angry at me and now seems to be at her family. What the hell did i do wrong.....
All I can say is i did pray before I did any of this today and asked for God to use his words not mine and to hope that WAW will receive it in a good way.
With all this that just happen i am very confused now. DO i give my step daughter her Birthday gift still. Will this make the WAW even more upset.
Do i still give the christmas gift to my WAW and the Kids (step kids)?
I already told the step daughter that I was paying her court fine for her..
I am at a total loss I tried to get to talk to my DB but no appointment till jan 3 2013.
It just seems like my WAW is still so very angree at me for what i do not know. but almost like she wants me to be just as upset and miserable she is. does thank make sence.
Please does anyone have any insight on this i just dont get it. i thought things were going well but i guess not.
My guess is that maybe she meant you are making her family hate her. You and I know this is not the case, but it is her perception. Because you talk to her family, and they side with you, she sees their disapproval of her actions as hate for her that was initiated by you.
This is why DB advises us to not discuss our relationship with the family. Once it gets back to the WAS, and it always does, it makes them feel alienated.
My guess is when she talks to her family, they feel compelled to give her their two cents on your sitch, because they think they are helping. As you can see now, they are not.
My advice is to tell the family to not mention anything to W about your sitch. That’s pressure on her and she doesn’t like it. Next is the hard part… stop discussing your sitch with them, especially anything negative, including your feelings. This is the only way to get them to stop pressuring her. Think of it this way… anything you say, (or convey via your actions or emotions) may very well get back to your wife. Remember this and act and speak accordingly.
Tell your wife you don’t intend to ever get between her and her family, and then make it so.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
My guess is that maybe she meant you are making her family hate her. You and I know this is not the case, but it is her perception. Because you talk to her family, and they side with you, she sees their disapproval of her actions as hate for her that was initiated by you.
This is why DB advises us to not discuss our relationship with the family. Once it gets back to the WAS, and it always does, it makes them feel alienated.
My guess is when she talks to her family, they feel compelled to give her their two cents on your sitch, because they think they are helping. As you can see now, they are not.
My advice is to tell the family to not mention anything to W about your sitch. That’s pressure on her and she doesn’t like it. Next is the hard part… stop discussing your sitch with them, especially anything negative, including your feelings. This is the only way to get them to stop pressuring her. Think of it this way… anything you say, (or convey via your actions or emotions) may very well get back to your wife. Remember this and act and speak accordingly.
Tell your wife you don’t intend to ever get between her and her family, and then make it so.
Thank you. I do have to say I truly have not been talking about her at all. I do my best to keep to myself and talk about what i have been doing and how they have been. There may have been a time i did but that was a while ago.
I just did not want this to happen. I think that she is upset that her family is inviting them self over and asking me to come over to watch football.
Looking back this past sunday was the first time her Good friend came by at the house I was at watching football. I am sure that she said something and to my WAW that I was there. Now what she said i have no idea and I never ever once talked about my WAW. This is why i just dont get it.
I did nothing wrong here that i can tell. but yet in her head i did everything wrong.
I am so confused on even to give the christmas gifts to her.
