It's None of my Business

[BeingMe]

Omigosh, it was snowing last night until this morning, but now it's changed to icy rain. It's so cold here. I hope the rain clears some of the snow.

When I say "for a time" it may be forever. I am very disappointed in H. I feel he used me to get here 7 years ago (the children wouldn't have come without me). Since we arrived, after all his promises of a new beginning, he did very little to work on the M. ML was the first thing to go, then communication, and to top it off, his emotional support for things like my studies (never financial). I look upon this last section of our M as barren, unhappy, and a waste of my time and effort. But, I know there is no going back, just living in the moment, and looking forward to the next chapter of my life. I intend it to be fulfilling, happy, and adventurous. Just got to ride out this divorce part. I don't want to be here (in the marriage) anymore. I don't want him coming "home" or calling to let me know he's safe. I don't want to think about him, dream about him, or see him. I don't want to think about this non-Relationship, wonder what he's doing, how should I act or look. I don't want to worry about silly issues like, should I fetch him from the airport or not, or go with him to the store, etc. Except for the fact that he's my children's father, I don't care anymore. I don't care even if he spends Christmas with us, or New Years Eve with our friends. We are not friends. I am much more fun without him tagging along with his miserable attitude. He can go spend it with his girlfriend.

I feel trapped, and the only way out is this tiny little window that I have to squeeze myself through to get to freedom.