trying to save my marriage Phase 2

[notsurewhat2do]

I feel very sad for your DD but glad she is old enough to stick up for herself and is prepared to and doesnt seem to take any blame for what is going on. My D said that to me the other day "this is all my fault" altho I don't really think she understand what her words meant. But it was after H was there and she asked him if she could go with him and he said no and then she was very sad about it after he left. I tried to explain to her that she already knows the answer to that question and if she doesn't want to make herself sad then she shouldnt ask the question. But my god I dont blame her in the least. He will come to the house and take the dogs but wont take her?????

The letter....well, I really do believe nothing will happen, hell not even sure if he will even read the whole thing (its LONG) but I don't care. One thing that I want to SCREAM at him is "you never told me!!! You never told me how you were feeling, what was going on in your head, that you were sharing your thoughts and feelings with another woman and that you were "moving on" YOU NEVER TOLD ME!!!!!

So the letter is my way of telling him - what im thinking and feeling and that we are prepared to move on with out him as we have been doing. Honestly, my life and D's life really isnt different than what it was before my own MLC. I was home, taking care of D, the house, the dogs, the bills, everything. And he was gone. That is what is has been like now for 4 months.

I want to be able to say "I told you" and I want to tell my daughter "I tried everything".

My DD is doing good. I do feel bad, because I know she understands it's not her fault, but I think every child in this situation tends to blame themselves, just like the left behind spouse does. Only, my DD is so much like H it's scary and once she makes up her mind, it's pretty much made up.
It is terrible for both of our DD's, they are innocent. For you, your DD doesn't understand, so that's hard. For me, mine does and that's hard too. Only difference is how they handle it.


YES! I am the exact same way, that's what makes me sooooo made about H. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME! Why didn't you tell me how trapped you felt or hurt, or alone, etc... It just ticks me off to no end.

And again, the same with me. It's almost that same for me. I took care of everything. I look back now and I always have. And I'm not sure why? Was it because I'm a control freak, or lack of trust, or just the way it happend. I'll be the first to admit, both H and I are terrible with money. When we first married, he was paying off a vehicle that he let be repossed. So, why would have trusted him to pay bills.

And I'm like you, I want to be able to tell DD, I tried everything. I want her to see me try or give H time. She makes remarks about other men to me, like I wonder if he's single, etc. But I just laugh like it's a joke. I haven't really told her exactly what I'm thinking, because I'm not 100% sure myself.

Do you think ... could I take him back and be 100% happy? Could I trust him 100% ever again? I ask myself those questions all the time. I could try, but it would take A LOT of work on his part to get me there 100%.