oh cripes - you're so rite- wish i could relax. i know i've said to you a thousand times - i feel so "done" with this all.
this is the very first time i ever thought to myself- maybe there is no way back. he's pushed it too darn far! he was saying yesterday that he's been down there alone almost the whole time except a few days with her- wtf - does he think any time with her is okay- what planet is this guy living on????? that's where i just had to say "when you're with her- i hate you. " do you think anything is okay with me?
idk either- about anyting anymore. aside from fact that my house is now cleaner than in a long long time. been running arouold friend coming over- he's n town for holiday- he got divorced a year or so ago- just a hanging buddy kinda guy. he had same deal but rite off the bat just told his wife - pick- him or me.
she picked other guy. who knows - we talk and talk about wtf - no one does know.. ya know? anyway - we laugh like hell aboutolden days and so on- so should be okay and chill-worthy.
it's soooo pitiful - everyone's stories. windy outside - what is going on here with this weather? doesn't know if it's winter or spring or what.
i don't know why this is bugging me so darn muc. i think of h and ow - i think of his possiblity of seeing her in town before he leaves (my fabrication by the way) but doable. she's got family in town- may be coming in. I can't beli3ve he's coming here on the 23rd. wtf - why the heck bother? what the heck can christmas with me mean to him if he can barely get her for it. what the heck am i decorating house for- who the heck does this guy think he is? and who is he- by the way anyway.
i want to just call and ask him rite out- then i want to say HAVE HER. YOU PICKED - YOU GOT IT.
