can't tell the sky from the ground

[cantslowdown]

So after my son was sick in the middle of the night last night my wife was ticked that I didn't go down to the basement to tell her even though I had it taken care of. At first I admit I was smug and said she chose to sleep down there and I had it handled since when she doens't get sleep she's very cranky the next day (I can run on a low tank for a few days if need be). Then, without yelling, but arguing just the same (which is to ME a major improvement for both of us) and for the most part staying on topic we came to the agreement that if something happened in the middle of the night, I would call her phone. That way, if she sleeps through it, she was in a deep sleep and if she doesn't she can decide whether or not she's going to help out in the night. I've done my due diligence to keep her informed.

She said that I was too much of a helicopter parent (and that others think her point of view is valid) and I said she was too harsh (and that it doens't matter what others think, it matters what we work out by communicating). We both said it was reaction to the other's style. I came up with the idea that when we noticed the other trending away from the "middle" we'd say the codeword "bananas" to get the other to stop and pause. No other criticism, just "bananas" so we think about our own behavior. She said that I'd get mad if she did this. I said wouldn't because i think its bettter than the two options which are resentment of the other while saying nothing (and then overparenting the other way to compensate)or actually blowing into an argument because we criticize and use hurtful words. By just saying bananas it allows us to think about our own actions and if we feel we are out of line and should continue or not.