It's been almost a week since my first reply, and still nothing posted. I'm guessing moderators are busy at Christmas, too. I'm hoping this eventually gets posted.
I couldn't keep it in anymore. As she was getting ready to head back to the hospital, I asked her to shut the bedroom door and lie down for a minute. My D had just told me how W had parked the car away from the convenience store window when they stopped for drinks. And once inside, W told her to go back to the car and not look. D thought it was quite funny that W was buying Christmas presents at the convenience store. I figured I knew what she was really buying: smokes. And I wasn't too thrilled about her taking such a chance with D around. I had just offered a couple days ago to get her a pack since she didn't appear to have a chance, but she turned me down without any other comment.
Why don't you let me help? I'm feeling left out, pushed away during this crisis with Grandma's last days, and that's building on years of feeling that way generally. I miss you.
She acknowledged my feelings, missed me, too. Turns out she did buy some special candy, so she has a cover story. She did buy smokes, too. She explained that she's trying to just get through the days with routine stuff only because if she stops to think about anything else, she's going to have a big cry and become even more exhausted than she already is. Fair enough. She promised that we will talk about us and smoking and everything later. I felt a lot better with the reassurance, and had a decent night's sleep.
