My wife wants to separate

[SM34]

EXACTLY! My MIL has said to me many times that your W is depressed and is trying to escape what she feels is the case of her depression, which is our marriage. In reality, the cause of her stress is the fact that being a stay at home mom did not turn out to be the fairy tale story she thought it would be. She also has an incredible insecurity related to her not having worked in so long. She has her own business and I offered many MANY times to help her get it going. I was pushing for my daughter to be in day care full time and for my wife to start working at her business. I could sense her frustration with our setup, and I could sense her starting to feel trapped in a life she never wanted. But her insecurities of working and possibly failing, and her desire to not feel less than if she quit full time parenting, eventually drove her to lose her mind. Now the OM, especially since he lives so far away, is an escape from her unfulffiling life. Intimacy and sex was a big part but I believe she became obsessed with how frequent we had sex to make up for a void in her, a void that no amount of sex will fill. Her mother knows her very well and has been through the same scenario her self, and has told me it is just a matter of time before she realizes that this isn't making her happy either, and it takes an experience like this to realize that happiness is from within you. You cannot wait even for your spouse to make you happy when you are not fulfilled with what you do with yourself every day of your life while the spouse is at work.

The problem is that we had a lot of stressfuil things that she had to deal with lately. We have a rental house that has been vacant for many months now that we have been renovating and also paying the mortgage for. This has added to my anxiety and need to make more money at work,. Also, our daughter has behavioral issues that we have been trying to seek help for but those child screening programs run by the state take for ever to come to observe. This has added more anxiety for my wife.

My daughter goes to a crap school where they are very disorganized. They havent ordered the necessary help from and they dont have anyone qualified to deal with behior in 3 year olds. I have been begging my wife to agree for us to transfer her to a better school where they have better teachers. We even found one that is WAY nicer and every teacher there is certified etc. and it is CHEAPER than the school she attends now. But my wife kept saying no, we need to give them more time. Daughter is used to the teachers there and they like her. Yes but they cant control her! We have to pick her up by noon every day, and so you have to spend the whole day dealing with her! And you are not fulfilled! You want to have a career, and you have a business that I helped you setup. I can help get it rolling! My sister in law owns a business that does marketing and advertising and print, commercials, etc. My brother owns a business with 54 employees so he has a lot of experience. We will all help you! You can do this! Because you are smart and you are good at what you do. Nothing. No matter how much I tried to convince her that she was not happy with herself, and the crazy life that our lives had become, she hid behind wanting to do the best for our daughter.

I finally convinced W to go to tour the nicer school and talk to the teachers that would be teaching my D class. They understood completely and all of them had background in behavioral problems, and they also knew the person who was handling her case in the county early intervention program so they can pull strings and get it expedited. They are also confided our daughter can stay there the whole day until 5pm.

Also our management company just signed a lease with a tenant yesterday. So my W will not have to worry about this project once we wrap up the final things that need to be done for those people to move in.

So it is all coming together now! Any our lives will be so much more free of stresses! But I am worried that W will attribute that to being with this OM and not realizing that actually we have taken care of the issues we should have taken care of a long time ago. I am afraid she will think her life is awesome now because of OM and not because she jumped the guns and escpaed right before things were falling into place.

Busy season for my business is tax season which starts soon. There should be plenty more money for the next 6 months and I plan to use it to pay down debt to reduce our monthly costs, and also expand my business but opening another branch. I feel like things were about to get better for all of us, and now my wife is acting like she wants to throw that all away. Very VERY frustrating and disheartening!