Changing Directions

[hopefulinga]

I am always amazed at how similiar our H's seem to be. It's kind of scary.

Listen to all that 25 told you. See a lawyer and get some clarity. Even though I am a lawyer, I am not a family lawyer, so I consulted one and have her on standby in case I need her.

The mediator I chose is a family lawyer as well that's been around for over 30 years, and his dad was a juvenille court judge. I also chose someone that I thought H would listen to, and a male because I thought he'd thumb his nose at a female trying to tell him something.

I am not familiar with CA laws at all, but I can tell you practically why I want a S agreement, even for a trial S. I want to make sure I don't get scr3w3d if H decides he really doesn't want to be my friend. I also know he's wishy washy (see my example of "you can have what ever you want" vs "You're taking your stove?"). I need to protect me and D. It is especially important for me because most of the assets are in H's name.

I also want something in place so that if we don't R, we've agreed while we are still cordial and on speaking terms. I really hope it doesn't go that way, but one can never tell. And my H is such a bully, he would do what he could to make my life difficult.

Since I am the one doing everything around here, I want an agreement on taking D to the drs that are out of town and taking the dogs to the vet. Is H going to step up on this stuff? Or will I have to continue to take time out of my life to do it all when he claims he wants 50/50 custody (which is code for "I don't want to have to be bound to pay you anything").

Sorry to hijack your thread a little, but wanted to give you some examples of why I feel like I need to be protected, even during a trial separation. Think of things in your life that you would want and want to be protected. Especially since you are not in a full time permanent job.

You have courage in getting to where you are. I felt like you would get here because our journeys seem to be so parallel. I can tell you that I feel a lot better now that I am living my life for me. I am still angry but it is not consuming me. Part of my still wants my H, but I think it is the fantasy of the old H that is not here right now. I don't want the cranky H. I don't have the time or energy to look for an OM right now.

I am by no means saying that where you are at is easy. But I believe that it will be a load off of you. And it will be easier than if H dropped his plan on you at the end of January and left you in some sort of shock. You have some direction and idea of what is going through his mind.

(((((((LA)))))