While I don't post much anymore....I do think I can offer a good point on this conversation. When the fun began with my wife, we went to see her therapist for separation and co-parenting counseling. My wife had been going to this therapist for a year and we had a decent session, but afterwords the therapist felt that her and I should meet separately. I did agree to this as I was dealing with job stress/depression as well as the news of affairs and other stuff.
So I met with the therapist for quite awhile and it was during one of our sessions that the therapist broke down (I still laugh over this). She explained to me that I was nowhere near the man that had been portrayed to her by my wife. The lazy, short,bald, and fat man was in fact a very driven hard worker, 6' 4", not fat, but I was bald LOL. My wife had portrayed to her a person that was not me (as well as a history that was not true).....A history and person that my wife felt actually existed. In the end it was only her perception. This was confirmed by many people she knew during that time....because over and over again people would mention that I was nowhere near the person that had been described to them.
I feel a lot of this is actually guilt driven repression of feelings. It is easier for a person (any person) to change the past to their advantage than take responsibility for it (this applies to MLC'ers as well as the left behind spouse). This is what makes true personal changes so hard....it is easier to lay blame elsewhere than take responsibility for your own actions.
As for the mantra....very common occurrence. The MLC'er HAS to remind themselves that they love the OP to support the stilts they are standing on. It became more so important in the example.....because how can the wife want to be with some one else while the husband went out and delivered the sick child's newspaper. Why would she leave a man who would do such an act unless she loves some one else.....and how dare the husband do a nice act so out of character in regards to her perception of him.
Remember that the victor writes the history books....but a the loser does write a history also. The difference being the losers history does not stand up to the test of time.
