It's None of my Business

[job]

Please stay safe. You'll have ample time to do your errands later in the week. I understand how you feel about getting your D done and ties cut. I felt the same way after a bit.

[BeingMe]

Omigosh, it was snowing last night until this morning, but now it's changed to icy rain. It's so cold here. I hope the rain clears some of the snow.

When I say "for a time" it may be forever. I am very disappointed in H. I feel he used me to get here 7 years ago (the children wouldn't have come without me). Since we arrived, after all his promises of a new beginning, he did very little to work on the M. ML was the first thing to go, then communication, and to top it off, his emotional support for things like my studies (never financial). I look upon this last section of our M as barren, unhappy, and a waste of my time and effort. But, I know there is no going back, just living in the moment, and looking forward to the next chapter of my life. I intend it to be fulfilling, happy, and adventurous. Just got to ride out this divorce part. I don't want to be here (in the marriage) anymore. I don't want him coming "home" or calling to let me know he's safe. I don't want to think about him, dream about him, or see him. I don't want to think about this non-Relationship, wonder what he's doing, how should I act or look. I don't want to worry about silly issues like, should I fetch him from the airport or not, or go with him to the store, etc. Except for the fact that he's my children's father, I don't care anymore. I don't care even if he spends Christmas with us, or New Years Eve with our friends. We are not friends. I am much more fun without him tagging along with his miserable attitude. He can go spend it with his girlfriend.

I feel trapped, and the only way out is this tiny little window that I have to squeeze myself through to get to freedom.

[BeingMe]

I cannot believe it ... I went to pay the lawyer, and give the marriage cert., but ... gasp! ... she's moving away. Dang! Now, I have to find another lawyer, and have to go through the whole story again. At least, I've got a lot of the info, found my marriage cert. and ready to pay. The L gave me some names to phone of lawyers she's worked with and trusts. I want to be divorced before March when the laws change and I have to go through everything again. I'll phone tomorrow and try and get an appointment first thing in Jan. before I go back to school.

I'm gobsmacked!

[job]

Ask your lawyer if the case file can be transferred over to the new lawyer. She might do this for you since you've been working on this for quite some time.

[greatwhitenorth]

Hey BM

Sorry to hear about the lawyer SNAFU.
What laws are changing in March? Fed or prov? I don't know how it all plays out...I thought divorce law was federal but have no idea truthfully.

[BeingMe]

Thanks for checking in Snodderly and GWN. My lawyer has referred me to a couple of other lawyers. We hadn't got to the retainer part (I paid for each appointment), so nothing had been filed. And, I had been waiting for that copy of my marriage cert. which I hunted for all day on Tuesday/Wednesday and finally found. Apparently, it's the Provincial laws that are changing, I think. I'm not sure why, but she seemed to think it would be better for me if I got it done before it changed. I will definitely ask the new lawyer about this.

I just got through to the assistant of one of those lawyers referred, and she is doing a check on whether my husband has contacted them. I doubt he's gotten any lawyer, but you never know. He hides things, while I am one of those annoyingly open and honest people who tells her husband everything. Not anymore. While hunting for my Marriage Cert., I came across some receipts and hotel statements, etc. (my H travels a lot). I found one hotel had 2 guests booked, and paid for by a mysterious mastercard, which I have no knowledge of. I just thought to myself ... I'm so over this man.

Assistant called back, and I have an appointment for Jan. 7. I am so eager to get this done.

[job]

Good for you. I'm glad you have an appointment and not too far after the holidays. I think you'll feel so much better when this is behind you. You've been at it for a very long time. Don't be too hard on yourself and be sure that you take some time this holiday season and just relax and have some fun. You've earned it big time!

[BeingMe]

Just keeping note ...

Last night, I had the passage light on to see into the linen cupboard. My H was awakened, and he opened the door and asked, "is there a reason the light is on?" Now, to me he looked put out and irritated, so I just replied, "yes, I'm looking for something." Then I switched the light off. This morning I told him that I didn't appreciate his sarcastic comment last night, and that this is not a hotel where he can question the staff. That he was rude. He disagreed that he was rude. He says, "I was just asking a question." Then he's quiet for awhile and says, "maybe I should just find my own place." I said he is welcome to do so, that I was sticking up for myself and didn't need his rudeness anymore. He disagreed again that he was rude. Okay, I know I could've just said nothing this morning, but ...

There's a history here of him going to bed early, and everything has to be quiet and dark. If he hears something, he would come storming in and telling me to keep it quiet, or question me about when I'm going to bed, etc. I would normally say sorry, and put the tv down more, or just go to bed. I always tried to accommodate his wishes. But no more, he could've just waited a few minutes, and the light would've gone off. There was no need for him to get up and question me about my activities. If he wants to leave, he knows where the front door is. The line is drawn ... don't talk to me in a disrespective way ... I don't deserve that, and won't tolerate it from him anymore.

Otherwise, Christmas day was good. We (H, S25, D20 and I) went to see The Hobbit, which was great. Plans for New Year has fallen through, so not sure what we're going to do. Perhaps, he'll go off and do something with his single male friend. Who knows. I was surprised he wanted to come with us, in the first place.

Onwards to Jan. 7 2013 ... first day of uni, and divorce lawyer appointment.

[job]

I don't blame you at all for speaking up. After all, he's not around that much and it's not like you deliberately turned the light on just to aggravate him. It would have one thing to open the door and peep out, but another to speak rudely to you. You are not a maid or servant in the home and it's certainly not a hotel. Yep, it's time that he start thinking about a place of his own.

I'm planning to go see The Hobbit over the weekend. I had heard it was good. I'm glad Chrstmas Day was good and you spent the day w/your children and h.

Sorry about the plans falling through for New Year's. Hopefully something else will come along.

The new year is right around the corner...you have a lot going on at the beginning of the year.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday.

[BeingMe]

Urgggghhh! The season must've gotten to me because I once again, stupidly, tried to discuss our R, saying how much we get on so well, so why would we get a divorce ... blah blah blah .... He, of course, like all the other times, said no because yadda yadda yadda ... so it won't work, etc. Yet, it's me doing the fre@king work. I have to go to the lawyer, and discuss everything, fill out all the paperwork. He says if it's reasonable he'll sign. How nice of him. (Yes. I was being sarcastic.)

So, onwards to divorce. We had dinner on New Year's eve with friends, who we also saw the new year in at midnight. I've lost quite a bit of weight now, and wore a pretty blue dress, with tights and boots. My D20 said I looked hot (she's so kind, knowing to say it in front of her dad). H actually said I looked pretty.

2013 is going to be very interesting, and I hope a lot happier and hopeful and adventurous and fun and so much more than 2012 which wasn't bad, but it was filled with a lot of confusion and misplaced hope and discoveries of awful lies.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!