Changing Directions

[RegretfulLA]

One more update for tonight:
I had a meeting downtown and came home around 9. H ignored me, per usual. Didn't ask how my meeting was (this is a pet peeve of mine). But, I didn't get upset. I just asked him how his day was.

Then I told him that I didn't want to go back to that therapist.

His response? "Well, what do you want to do?"

I said I had another therapist recommendation and he said he wasn't going to another therapist. Fine, I said. Then he said he was going to move out in Feb.

GREAT!!! Can I help him pack???

I didn't get mad, didn't get upset, didn't raise my voice. Just said ok. He said he originally thought it would be a trial separation, but...

He didn't like that I previously said we should see a lawyer for a separation agreement. Do people think that's necessary for a trial separation? What's the advice here?

I basically decided that I am worth much more than the way I'm being treated, and I told him that.

He spent the rest of the evening being depressed. I wrapped Christmas gifts.

I think I've finally come to the realization that we need the time apart. I probably have oats to sow since I keep seeking other men. I hear the other women on here saying they only want their H, not interested in anyone else. That is definitely not true for me, obviously and I have to finally look at that and take it for what it is.

I probably do need some external validation.... just to get my own internal validation going again. There are so many things that H is not. I think of the men on here who are trying so hard, and compare to what my H is doing and I know I can do better.

I married the boy next door. Our R was built on a mutual comfort and a feeling like we "got" each other. We have a lot of the same tastes and had some of the same friends growing up. We enjoyed a lot together when we first were together. He still makes me laugh. But his depression and insecurities are just too much for me to handle, and I know I have my own sh!t to work out. I'm angry a lot and I need to stop living like that.