Thanks ladies - I am doing well. Funny how that is. I keep waiting on the other shoe to drop or something. Second guessing myself. Wondering am I really processing this - this quickly or am I stuffing, am I not dealing? The odd thing is I think I am dealing. Who knew? It just occurred to me that I need to put my energy into things that will actually give back. I was thinking about H today. Saw him tonight actually at visitation for S. I really feel pretty detached. I didn't think I would ever get here. I just have no desire to even really be around him. He has been nice enough when I have to see him. Of course, I guess I would be nice too if I was high. lol Not that it's funny but really it is what it is. I don't wonder what he's doing. I don't care. Really. Weirdness. He walked out to the car with me. Hung in the window talked to the D's. I didn't speak to him any more. I wasn't rude or anything just really I guess I feel like he is a stranger. I don't volunteer information, I don't ask. I also don't explain anything if he overhears anything when I am talking to S or D's. He speaks to me but not really about anything important. In some ways, I think sometimes he feels uncomfortable. The longer we go like this the more distance there is. Not just between he and I but also with the kids. When we do visitation we all sit at the same table. Much of the conversation he really has no idea what or who we are talking about anymore. I guess that is because due to all the circumstances there are a number of new people in our life that he doesn't know. SO he just sits there. Never says anything much of the time.
I am pretty happy where my life seems to be headed. Yep there are obstacles but everyone has those. Mine are just that - mine. The further away I get from my M and H the further I want to be. That might sound odd.
Maybe I am a WAS now? Or maybe I just have found me again. I have no answers. Just taking it as it comes and accepting I have no control. I can plan all I want but sometimes God has different plans for me. All I can do is trust in HIM.
