My wife wants to separate

[SM34]

As far as why SHE is telling her friends, you are absolutely right. She told her two closest girlfriends in her life right now, and they validated her feelings and told her she needs to go with her heart, or some crap like that. So she did exactly that, and ignored advice from the closest person to her which is her mother. She refused to "sleep on it" for a few days or weeks, and seek counseling and therapy for the negative, destructive feelings she was having. She refused to go and get a second opinion as to whether her recently prescribed medication (Zoloft 3 weeks before B) has anything to do with it. She went with her friends who have only known her for a few years and have no true life experience like her mother, and have no idea of the thoughts that go through someone's mind who might be depressed and is on medication.

So round one was easy and made her feel good about her decision, as silly as it was. Then, round two, she had to tell a couple of her friends who have known her longer than just a few years and also know me pretty well. Thats when it got ugly. Her lifelong best friend who just happened to move out of state a few years ago, told her she was insane and came down quite hard on her. This same friend had met her now husband at the same time that W and I met, and our first 2 or three dates where actually double dates with her and her H. So, she had known our story from the start, and doesn't believe my W can throw that all away, at least not without counseling and other options first.

Round three I would imagine would be her telling her extended family. She has 8 uncles and aunts and about 20 cousins who are all a tight knit family. They live a few hours away but we spent many a christmas and thans giving there over the years. I believe they also think very highly of me. They know we are perfect for each other, they all attended our wedding, and they are all church going folks who will think she should be seeking counseling before wanting out of a marriage that has a 3 year old involved.

So when she told her close friends that have known her for a long time, she was looking for the same positive re enforcement that she got from the girlfriends who havent known her that long and really dont know me at all. She didn't get anything positive, instead she got a slew of negatives from all of them. So, you are right she was looking for support but she is not getting it. It has upped her anxiety level. the other day she was sitting on the couch holding her head tightly. When I asked her whats wrong, she said I am so stressed out. When i told her that I thought she was leaving me to relieve the stress, and that she had said she is happy now, she said but i have to tell everyone and I don't know how. To me that meant I don't know how when everyone who is left to tell knows you and knows you are good to me, and knows this is a irrational step to fixing a marriage, and they will all come down on me like a ton of bricks. I told her she didn't need to tell anyone else. the people you interact with on a daily basis all know, and thats all that matters right now. Was that a good response? I was thinking about exactly what you said about the way home being as easy as possible. She already told MIL she thought she was already this far into it, and there is no turning back, and only about 5 people know! If all these people find out, then it makes it much easier to follow through with this. Thats why I suggested she leave it at this, for now at least.