LBS gearing up for the long haul

[25yearsmlc]

Today I stopped at C and made appt for soonest available, 12/29. I feel I urgently need to talk to someone, so receptionist said she would see if C could call me.

I just can't control my thoughts.

then learn to get control of them ASAP...it's a BASIC life skill and nothing good will come into your life and stay, if you don't get this skill.

Labug....if she had not left, my feelings would be totally different. I own my actions. I hurt her, long term and am responsible for it. She is responsible for my feelings.


^^^^^^ is 100% incorrect. I completely disagree. I could not more strongly DISAGREE. YOU are responsible for how you feel, think, and act. Period.

You are an adult!

The rules changed when she left you

I will be re-reading 37 rules after submitting this. What it feels like right now is Rule #1: I don't matter. Rule #2: Act like it doesn't matter that W left me for OM. Those rules suck.

W:I need you to be strong

WTH?!?!?!? I feel like saying how the hell can I be strong when you are living with OM?!?!? What do you want me to be strong for, so you can carry on guilt free??? She says she's worried about me? Not worried enough to make this right. Not even worried enough to say "DM I'm coming home. I don't know when." I could not bear to do this to her.


Why be strong? Where to begin? I'll keep it short b/c I am rushed for time but that question is a SAD one. If she needs you to be strong, she's like 99% of the women I know...who are NOT attracted to needy men who cannot sustain themselves emotionally. You sound very codependent. And it's not attractive or a sign of the depth of your love. Nope...

MAYBE strong enough to attract her back, so she does not AGAIN have to care for you, your needs, and everyone else's.

Did you forget how she got to where she is now? Boy that was fast amnesia.

I know these thoughts are undermining the process, or could. How can I get this under control?

These thoughts are undermining YOUR LIFE and Marriage and YOU have to get a grip and get help. Period. Stop the blaming too. Just get the tools you need. I have suggested workshops and counselling and letting what we say SINK IN, which just takes some discipline...and that's all we can do from here.


I get on these cycles, and try to think of positive things that have happened, that she has said, and I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER THEM sometimes.

Get some help and read a book on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. MOST of our happiness is by choice. That's why Aristotle said "Happiness is a virtue" b/c we have to create it and maintain it and own it. We cannot assign someone else responsibility for OUR feelings and happiness and dump it on them.

What an unfair burden that must have been for her all these years...

I can't even believe I am making a post like this. I've seen them by others and shook my head...there but for the grace of God go I...I though I was getting a handle on myself, now slipping...

Before you slip too far, STOP YOURSELF...talk to yourself. Exercise and get OUTDOORS in the sun even if it's cold. Take slow deep breaths and come up with a mantra that helps.

e.g., "God, I turn this marriage over to you" OR "God, I turn my pain/anger over to you b/c they are heavy on me. Please carry these for me now"

AND OR "Dear Father, please give me the guidance to know your will AND the strength to follow it"...&

"Thank you for these wonderful children and my health and for living in a free nation with no one stealing my children for their "army" or attacking us b/c we are not of their tribe, or denying our right to worship. Thank you for the food in our refrigerator and the knowledge that there will be food in it tomorrow. Thank you for showing me love..."

These^^ seem like gimmicky things but they help us "re boot" our brains so that when we finally see the IC, we can have calmed down a bit.