The one thing I would like to suggest is don't bring up the past anymore, accept what he told you it was good and have your good memories. If you ask again he may start to rewrite it and give you answers that will crush you!
i agree - i'll write myself a note- i forget and wonder what the heck i heard and what i imagined. i have trouble taking all this stuff in when i'm emotionally charged up - and then being able to straighten it all out inmy mind, recall, digest, etc. i am not at my best in those conversations.
back in fl - last time we "talked" about this junk - he was doing a major re-write. it was amazing that he'd even try and pass it off as real. i told him he was losing his marbles. if he thought he was speaking accurately- then he'd better go get committed - that's how wacked out it was.
i swear- my theory about distortion of major proportions takng place inside the troubled brain - when no verbal outlet of one's ideas. they get soooo insane - and goofy and seem so okay- it's scary. noticed with my alcoholic sister , who also had some serious mental problems . it's sad as hell - don't get me wrong- but it must sound okay while it's inside their heads.
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I would not bring things up for a while again, just be yourself.
i know- believe me i was sorry as hell the minute i began to speak and realized it was the very thing i was ill-prepared to do. i do not want to hear some thing FINAL FROM HIM- yet i am crazy being on hold for soooooooo long. sometimes i think nothing can be worse than this not-knowing junk. the uncertainty kills ya. me - Not being able to feel accepted for who i am (*anymore) makes it difficult to just chill out and be me. i can feel that i'm not just free & easy. he doesn't know that he is not able to be hmself with me- when he's got this junk going on. we're able to interact pretty okay and companionable- but there's this - disconnect thing. i feel compelled to hold back any affection or warmth usually- and same for him. it's sad. maybe he doesn't feel it- sometimes i get close- we got this big honkin "thing" between us - stopping us
he thinks it's perfectly logical and fine (somehow) to have a good friend and let it go down that road. i think he's out of his tree. i don't know what i will accept- honestly, after a point i don't see myself living with her in the mix forever. i just think, if i'm honest & realistic, at some point it kills what i still do feel (whatever that is).
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You want to start really thinking about what boundaries you are going to implement, you really need to do this much, step back from him as an H and see if you can just get along while he's there as people. No R talk, thoughts, actions, just two people, to see if that connection is still there at least.
I would go as far as friendly contact as a greeting if that's what you do, and nothing else. Don't treat him like a leper though, just don’t be on guard. Do the same things you did when you first met him and were just getting to know him.
you know - wierdly enough - we can do this- be "buds" and get along. keep it light. it's me that feels churned up inside sometimes becasue i want it to be more - from him i want to feel the affection like i used to. i know it's bad form- i don't express that or say it- or act like it- i'm casual & cool. i wouldn't think i exude affection either- he's kind of leading us along here- he apparently "saves" himself for her. gag gag gag, It's that his tail doesn't wag around me most of the time anymore- i am insulted & hurt about it. yeah, i know- stow it.
i don't treat him like a leper. I can't even remember flirting- i know i used to- have to think about how that goes.
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quote:"Perspective changes our attitude. Changing our attitude breathes hope into us. Hope. Like sunshine, it only breaks through to us when we remove the clouds of self-pity". Sit quietly and having answers come to you?
if i had to say- it's not so much self-pity as needing to re-construct what the heck has gone on- so i can understand. or begin to. don't know why it seems important to know it all- just does. i won't bring up past again. being suddenly plunged into this giant cesspool of suspicion- i have a hard time seeing beyond it. it's an awful & dangerous place i guess- re-inspecting the past. i'll try and quit it now. fingers crossed.
as far as self-pity- i'd say i've been jacked up royally- i don't say he had a gun to my head. i was a fool gladly i guess- it was my personality and decision to be trusting & put good spin on things. he views anythng in the universe that isn't praise of him as me being a "victim". he's such a jerk in that respect- no one has feelings at all but him.....
