I challenged you not to mention phones being locked or unlocked on here and you accepted. Then you mentioned them. That is where you failed.
You can say on here that you're just journaling, but if you really look hard inside yourself, I think you'll realize that you're still trying to control her and the situation. I'm not the only one who's see it. You still haven't let go.
"If I unlock my phone, maybe she'll unlock hers ...."
My story happened a long time ago and isn't important. My friends on here know the whole story. I just try to pay it forward, keep people from making the same mistakes I made, and most importantly -- No matter what happens; you're gonna be OK.
If you do the hard work.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
My objective is not to get her to unlock her phone. My objective is to start to build back trust in our relationship. I locked my phone 3 months ago because my W would snoop on there and see that I was venting about our marriage. She even found this forum by opening my browser on my iphone and read a thread where I stated she was nuts. At the time I thought having my phone unlocked was not helping our M. I couldn't control my A and I was venting and doing stupid things on my phone.
I decided to recently unlock it because I truly am not hiding anything and I hated the feeling I got when my 2 kids would ask for the passcode in front of W. I would have to tell them and then change passcode 1 hour later just for them to ask me for it again.
I know I need to stop obsessing about her phone being flipped over. I just found it very ironic when I started being more open about my stuff (phone unlocked) that she had many more less secretive nights with her phone. She even opened up to me and told me she txt OM (HS friend).
I feeled your challenge by journaling and I knew you would lay into me. I'll take the challenge again. I was honestly seeing positive strides at home by me making a small change on my phone and was sort of excited (accept last night she went into secret mode again)
Also just some more facts on OM (HS friend) He is divorced. He has a history of sleeping with OW who are having trouble in their relationships. When we were separated he was giving her advice on what to do for a divorce. Keeping vaca house from me etc.. So basically what I'm saying is this guy seems like more then a friend. They txt daily almost. I think just because I vent on here about it once and awhile doesn't mean I'm obsessing about it. Remember we live under the same roof and I deal with this behavior every day and all weekend and even on Holidays. So I feel I'm doing a pretty good job not reacting to it at home. There was a point that I didn't even want to post on here because I felt all my posts were taking out of context or as obsessing rather then a nice place to vent so I dont' do it at home.
I know that I have obsessive type behaviors but believe me I'm doing a lot better then I have in the past. If you might recall I use to call her MIL everyday 3 x's a day. I was really bad.
Drew I appreciate your feedback and only asked about your sitch to possible learn from it. When you get into this situation and everything seems so dark and there is no light at the end of the tunnel it gets tough. Being honest with you man. Everynight I go home and I just want to hug and kiss my F&*(&(&ing wife. I say to myself how could I move home in May and by July have my M completely fall apart again. I honestly feel deep down in my heart my W really wanted me to make mistakes just so she could say "I tried" and he did this etc..Mr. B hit the nail on the head one day. How did she try? She hasn't asked me one time to work on our marriage together or to go see a MC together.
I feel she does the phone stuff and other crap to try to get me to snap and leave the sitch.
Anyways I truly appreciate your input. I know you have been there etc.
I'll keep my posts on what I am doing for myself and what I am doing to help myself grow as a person.
It was nice to see a start of something positive last week.
I also find it ironic the first week I skip gym and meditation my anxiety spikes very high. I need to get back to that stuff because it obviously helps me. Recovery from tonsils is about a week out.
Thx Drew. You know I've been reading other peoples post on here. I think a common question or theme for LBS is how long do you sit idle. How long do you not pursuit. How many months do you go without ML to your W. It seems each month that passes with me and my W we grow further and further apart. I just come home and play with kids and continue to read self help books. We do nothing as couples outside family events.
I know for me something happened that was akward. I walked into her walk in closet and she was getting dressed. This is typically where I would have pursuit'd her or made some sexual comment. Her expression on her face almost made me feel she was waiting for it. I had no desire to this time around. It spooked me out a little. I just told her I was setting house alarm and going to bed and she was like oh ok.
Yeah I understand the concept. Very strange night. W was txting me toward end of day. Fun stuff about new pet etc.
I got home played with kids like usual. She seemed to get more and more annoyed as night went on.
She then got a txt and immediately flipped phone over. I was getting kids ready for baths and I came downs stairs and she was like il going out.
I said out for the night? She's like I don't know I was just like ok wanted to tell kids when they ask. Said have fun.
There you have it drew situation where I haven't let go. My first internal feeling to this is seriously you are going to do this crap a week before xmas
How do you let go and not get sucked back in the few times she decides to be nice?
How do you let go and still balance interactions?
Like tonight I had no clue she would just head out and leave and not even say goodbye to the kids. As matter of fact i thought it would have been the opposite tonight.
How do you let go and live under same roof.
Oddly enough I felt tension tonight and for no good reason. We were interacting fine. It was so sudden and abrupt her leaving house
Well when I said out for the night it was meant as "past the kids bedtime" The mere fact she got up abruptly and left and didn't even kids the kids goodbye threw me. Especially after the positive interactions today.
B how do I stand up for myself. DB rules say "say nothing , ask nothing about whereabouts etc"
Im sort of taken back by tonight a little.
I don't know if she felt tension and just split or what
