Honestly Breakdown, not being in the MBR is a major sticking point for me. H insists "he's not ready." Same argument. If I push, then I'm not "honoring" him. Which is true - but he's not honoring me either.
I have said this before, but I can see old self in your H sometimes and man does it drive me nuts to hear about this stupid crap. There are so many levels this is wrong on:
- what are we showing our children? - are we not equal? - what about my feelings? - this is OUR MBR
This is plain and simple a power play. At the very least, I'd have a sit down and discuss this. It's doesn't have to be a now or never thing, but I think a transition plan has got to be put in place.
I think you need to decide when you are moving back in and simply let him know. Maybe someone who's good at suggesting language to use could chime in here with how to phrase it, but I think you need to put a stake in the ground and then if he still needs space, the den is available
Originally Posted By: RegretfulLA
I definitely feel ready to focus on me. After having that experience at that party I realized that I need to do more of that. It wasn't just about Hot Guy. I talked to some of my old friends and felt a really nice warm feeling. And also spent some time getting to know someone else that I'd never spent much time with. It was a good experience. Like I said, the whole night was somewhat of a watershed event for me.
I agree with doing more for you....just make sure you understand where your boundaries are and uphold them. Don't let yourself slip into OM3 accidently.
Originally Posted By: RegretfulLA
I've realized how much of myself I've sacrificed by living wih a depressed person for so many years. One of the things I'm ready to focus on is feeling more joy. I'm realizing more and more that I have to detach in order to get there.
That first line really stings me, because I am pretty sure that's how my W felt for a long time. It pains me to think that I did that...not just to her, but to myself as well as everyone around me. It's a terrible way to live. We've been talking for months, but I think I finally am starting to see a little bit of that backbone!
