Changing Directions

[mamabird]

Honestly Breakdown, not being in the MBR is a major sticking point for me. H insists "he's not ready." Same argument. If I push, then I'm not "honoring" him. Which is true - but he's not honoring me either.

I definitely feel ready to focus on me. After having that experience at that party I realized that I need to do more of that. It wasn't just about Hot Guy. I talked to some of my old friends and felt a really nice warm feeling. And also spent some time getting to know someone else that I'd never spent much time with. It was a good experience. Like I said, the whole night was somewhat of a watershed event for me.

I've realized how much of myself I've sacrificed by living wih a depressed person for so many years. One of the things I'm ready to focus on is feeling more joy. I'm realizing more and more that I have to detach in order to get there.

This morning, my boys wanted to hear some songs by a band that I like but that my H does not. He stuck up his nose at this band. We downloaded an album and had a great time listening to the songs. One of the songs, ironically, was a cover of "I Will Survive" - and I highly recommend a listen to any version of that song for anyone on these boards. Another song was about a WAW. I will probably be blasting "I Will Survive" every day in my car from now on... Very empowering.

In short, it really does have to be all about me for a while.