LBS gearing up for the long haul

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks, LITB.

We want on needs to be met. We place expectations on our spouses. When they are not met, we come away disappointed. That old familiar emotional roller coaster.

thats exactly it. For the last few days I have really felt the kick of not having needs met. Some will disagree but after 21 years there are needs only she can fulfill. I am Semi-patiently waiting, but I hate doing without.

Try not to take these things personal

I'm having a hard time with that lately.
[b]
We had a text exchange that was a little better today:[/b]

what did you learn about us saying NOT to contact her...or answer back too fast?

W:Sorry about yesterday. I don't mean to cause you so much pain.
DM:Thanks for that.sorry I made you feel pressured. I know you need time. I'm trying to be patient.
W:Have a good day.

THIS ^^^WHEN THE "TALK" MUST STOP...NOTHING ELSE TO SAY, GIVEN THE SITCH.


DM:You too. I'll buzz you at lunchtime? We're in clean area lots of loud equipment.

STOP the pursuit.


W:that's fine. It's a busy day.
Lunch time:

DM: How's your day so far?
W:Busy. You?
DM:Bored.

why sound like that? NOTHING good is happening? Why not be upbeat or interestING?


W:why bored.


DM:Maybe not bored. Distracted.

Gee, let's talk about YOUR FEELINGS.. she just said SHE is busy.

W:Maybe you should try to get in to see counselor.


DM:I think I may need it but don't have insurance. Yours only covers if you are there.
(short discussion about cost, church had offered to help w/MC for us, etc. I want to go to C with her, but did not bring it up. Nor did she)

You DID bring up C with her. You pressured her to go to counselling b/c you "can't" unless she is there. THAT is pressure. IT's also BS. You can find an IC of your own like the rest of us and pay out of pocket if you have to. It's usually on a sliding scale.

DM:How much is it?

W:I don't know. Guess this gives you some idea how I've been feeling for a long time. Don't mean to be mean, but it's the truth


DMm:I know. That's what I've been thinking the whole time since this started, and that makes it feel worse. I'm sortry.

W:I'm sorry. Feel like its my fault that you are not doing well and it makes me sad.

you might think her "regret" about how badly you are doing, is good. But it's NOT making you more appealing.

DM:well I don't want you sad. Just want you better and back, in time.

HER better? You just confessed to being depressed and distracted and needing help.

W:I am worried about you. I need you to be strong.

HEAR THIS??? SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU TO BE WEAK OR TO "NEED HER" TO GO TO COUNSELLING WITH YOU...


DM: trying to. Felt strong and thought making progress but feel like yesterday I screw it all up.

W:you didn't screw anything up.

DM:well that's good to know.

W:I hope you feel better.
DM:Me too. And you. How's throat?
W:sore. Cough. Something's going around here.

Later, when I was in shower between jobs, she stopped by and brought dinner for us. Called her to thank her. She was more chipper.

AND YOU? Look, you need to LISTEN (and NOT talk to her so much)

to what we say and take it in and CHANGE for the better...she's given you a roadmap you keep ignoring...she wants you to be STRONG...get that?

you ignore it at your peril.