Yep.^^ I am letting it go, not easy, but I am letting it go because so many things are out of my control right now that I realize they never were!! LOL!
And the things I can control, I am trying mightily not to. Had some emails with H and I am still trying to control...not as much but it is still there. Fear is a biggie, but what is the absolute worst that can happen? She is gone and guess what? You are still here, but no better for it at all.
being "no better for it at all" truly would be THE WORST that can happen.
But regardless of what SHE does, you can grow mightily from this ordeal. You can be a better man, no matter what she does.
That's a lot of what DBing is about, in my opinion. That we work on US first, and second and third...and by setting an example, over time,
we tend to get the better out of others. Not everyone. And not all marriages are saved. But none are worse.
And most important, WE ARE BETTER PEOPLE after all this...
so make this painful nightmare yield something positive,
by becoming the best YOU that YOU CAN BE, and hey, that actually IS within your control.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Oh yeah, it will be the toughest thing you will do, am doing it right now and it is so freakin' hard. One step forward, two back. I think ,oh maybe I can trust and BAM nope, back to beginning. Either way, you will be in a better sitch if you learn to not expect results from your behaviour. You can be all new and shiny but it doesn't mean W will respond differently to you. And that will peeve you off. So if you can concentrate on you and take any changes in W as anomalies instead of behaviour changes you will be better off. Nice gets nice back and really doesn't require any effort on our part. Just a swallowing of pride sometimes.
Summary of week of operation. Had tonsils and other stuff done last Monday the 10th. At the time I felt it was a big inconvenience for my W. My surgery. Rightfully so. She doesn't want to be married and pretty much doesn't like me and now she has to help me. Anyways I ended up getting a ride to the H. She did come visit with the kids briefly and did pick me up the next day.
I ended up being home Tues-Sunday. I thought it went ok considering we had to be around each other a lot more then usual (out of work) and I wasn't feeling good at all. Tough recovery and I'm still not eating a week later. I am back to work this week.
My phone has been unlocked since that original thread I posted. I know she knows because my D uses my phone ALL the time and she even mentioned it in front of my W and me. My D (3) basically asked me why I don't have passcode anymore in front of me and W. I just said Daddy was tired of putting it in etc..
At first I thought this was breaking down a barrier between me and her. She seemed to be less secretive with her phone (and actually she is but times she is still is. Drew don't zing me here I am just journaling what is working and what is not)
She actually pretty much told me she was txting OM (longtime HS friend who hit on her while we were separated) I guess that whole school shooting. He is part of special interogation forces and was at the scene. I didn't react. I just sort of talked to her about it. One part of me says "well at least she telling me she txting him, other part of me says doesn't she realize she is smack dab in the middle of EA. I mean she knew his work schedule and that the last 3 months what he was working on. She honestly has been txting this OM now for almost 2 years and hasn't stopped through all our turmoil. Again I can't control this but beyond annoying.
We did decide to go out and get a family bunny. Kids love her and a pretty neat pet.
Anyways. Just journaling a little here. No major changes. I still struggle with anxiety of holidays ending and her filing. I try to throw a big stop sign up when those thoughts come into my head.
I am starting Chi Qong back up this week. I've had stents in my nose for a week and literally got them out yesterday.
My phone has been unlocked since that original thread I posted. I know she knows because my D uses my phone ALL the time and she even mentioned it in front of my W and me. My D (3) basically asked me why I don't have passcode anymore in front of me and W. I just said Daddy was tired of putting it in etc..
Sigh ....
And that is why you fail.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Drew I was just journaling man. I knew you would bring it up.
"My phone has been unlocked since that original thread I posted. I know she knows because my D uses my phone ALL the time and she even mentioned it in front of my W and me. My D (3) basically asked me why I don't have passcode anymore in front of me and W. I just said Daddy was tired of putting it in etc.."
Why is this a sign of a failure. I unlocked my phone for the sole reason that I didn't like the feeling of keeping it locked. I can't control my kids mentioning stuff like this in front of my W. She was going to learn of this easily by living under the same roof as me. I have nothing to hide. I really don't care what she does with hers. YES it brings my anxiety down a little when she is NOT hiding it. I also do feel that me being open with my phone at times has made her be more open with hers. Part of DB is trying to make changes, noting if they work, and continue doing what is working. NO?
Drew trying to read your story. Also hard to follow it. How long did it take to DB your issues? Did you guys ever get physically separated? I notice you used a counselor who seemed to be giving you conflicting advice along the way. I feel I have that happening to me too. At what point did something click to you that you need to do your own thing and stop worrying about W. I read your early posts and lots of them ridden with the same types of comments I made. My W did this today. So confused. She talking about futuristic events so confusing to me etc..Seems like you were making lots of the same mistakes I've been making.
Did you ever discover EA or PA?
To be honest it wouldn't be that hard for me not to mention phones/flipped etc. I do like to journal on here. I am having a horrible week based on rejection from W again and also the mere fact I know she txting OM. I guess I'm human and it bothers me. But I do feel/did feel that me being open with my stuff certainly changed her attitude for awhile. She really appeared to be the same way. Until last night.
I read jack and beans replies to you. It does seem my W is going through some MLC cycles. Which are unexplainable and I know 25 and Mr. B gets on me for trying to figure out craziness because it will drive you crazy. It does seem some weeks my W talks about futuristic events as family and then week later it fades etc..
So here is about me going forward:
-starting up Qi Gong again. I can already see the effects of missing a week due to surgery. -finshed the 5 love languages audiobook -started Ekhart Tolles, Earth audiobook. His stuff tends to get deep
