What I've realized just in the past few weeks is that I have a lot more issues to overcome than I thought I had. A lot of insecurity and fear, for starters... lack of self-compassion, as my H pointed out. Not feeling worthy, as evidenced by my reaction to the encounter with Hot Guy. Fear of not being "good enough" - this is learned over years of suffering H's judgment and being made to feel "less than". The idea that if I don't behave in a certain way or conform to someone else's standard that I'm just not good enough.
This is very good! Step one to getting the focus off your H and onto yourself!
As I work thru my own issues, every time I thought I had it figured out and had addressed them, I turned over new ones. I think this is how it is when you start down this path. You start to think differently and as such, start becoming the person you want to be every day.
Originally Posted By: RegretfulLA
I also have the feeling that I will not be able to really break out of these patterns while married to H. H feels insecure so puts judgment on me to "keep me down" so to speak. I used to be a much freer spirit.
I think this is an individual perspective, so it may or may not be the case. If you can successfully detach, I think it could successfully get you there.
My W was able to eventually break out from underneath my negatives, but part of the reason why was because she had decided the M was over.
I know I'm beating a dead horse here, but given your current direction, do you think you are ready to move back into the MBR? Personally, I think this is just one more area where he is controlling you and until you stand up to it (strong and calm), I don't think your sitch is going to change much.
