Snodderly, I have been giving your post some thought.
Originally Posted By: snodderly
Yes, I'm going to say it again...let him go. He's using you whenever he needs someone to listen to his woes and validate his issues. He's not sharing this stuff w/the ow because he only wants her to know certain things about his life.
Let him go...I am finally getting this. This is not just about when to answer or how to answer when he does call, is it? It is about emotionally letting him go, is that right?
I am trying. The strangest thing is that my biggest fear, that he would never speak to me again, has been unfounded. Even when I do not contact him, he contacts me. Worse for my detachment, he isn't mean and our conversations are generally good. So, I feel guilty for not answering when I am home.
Yes, if I dig deep, I am feeling guilty. I may not have caused the MLC (and I am positive that is what this is, especially after yesterday) but I know that I contributed to the breakdown of our relationship in a very big way. I was brought up to be very independent by a mother who was not particularly happy in her role as wife and mother. So when things got tough, I just got tough. And just by listening to me, he gave me even more strength. But I ignored his needs and really ignored some of the red flags that were being waved. The long distance did not help.
So, I find it hard to now discount his feelings when it appears I did for so long especially when he is reaching out for support. Thus, my battle - answer, not answer, reply, do not reply. Especially when there is more than one attempt.
Originally Posted By: snodderly
Your life is in a holding pattern? Why? Because you are allowing this to happen.
Sorry, I meant to communicate that the relationship was in a holding pattern. But given the other circumstances right now, it probably is not wrong to say that my life is also. It won't be forever. One thing about being long distance is that my own life has to be lived - not that there are not ways to make it better, and I intend to!
Originally Posted By: snodderly
As long as you continue down the path you are traveling, he will always feel safe and never waiver from his own path to grow up and learn about life. You are exactly where he left you and until you start moving in a new direction, he will not change. Why would he? He's got the best of both worlds...two women that want him. He's loving the attention that you both give him...fuel for his ego.
Agreed....intellectually. So difficult to get the heart to follow.
With regard to the insurance, he was asking about a refund that we were getting from a cancelled service. Insurance has always been in my name. The cheque will come to me and the plan was to then give him his portion of the refund. At one point he said I could have it, although I did not intend to keep it. Guess he changed his mind.
